100 days wasted

17/100: Three reviews in one go!

2012-02-10T00:41:00.002+01:00

Today, I submitted three reviews in one go for PC Gamer Sweden. Sonic CD, Sonic 4 ep. 1 and Sonic Casino Nights. I think I'm slowly turning into one of those obnoxious Sonic people. It could happen. I feel the need to become a brony and a Sonic fanboy just to be able to tell my grandkids about the crazy Internet days.

- When we weren't writing fanfiction about hedgehogs, we were all ejaculating on girl's plastic toys.

- That's sick and twisted.
- Oh, what can I say. It was the 2010's.

16/100: My Sonic recolor

2012-02-07T01:17:00.002+01:00

In order to establish myself as a proper Internet person, I should at least create my own Sonic recolor. Feast your eyes on this:

This is Shimmel the Hedgehog. He's a very hip, Jewish gay art director who works for an extremely trendy creative studio in downtown Green Hill Zone. He's wearing black plastic glasses even though he knows it's hipster, but he's so aware of it that it's not hipster anymore. When he's not enjoying a chai latte with his Mac Book Pro in his lap, he's adding to his portfolio of neo-classicism pop art. Look forward to his next vernissage at a renowned gallery in Vienna, that's so exclusive it doesn't even have a proper name.

15/100: I have a dream

2012-02-06T01:11:00.002+01:00

This is the speech I gave at the stop ACTA rally this Saturday. In Swedish. I'll make sure to fix a translation for tomorrow.

14/100: ACTA protest

2012-02-05T01:23:00.001+01:00

Today I gave a short speech at an anti-ACTA rally. Unfortunately, I haven't found any footage of that yet. I shot some video over there aswell, but it won't see the light of day until tomorrow. It's late and I managed to get really tired from the protest and then watching the Swedish Eurovision thingamajig. I'm still having a little crush on Loreen and her song is so far the best. Last year's "My heart is refusing me" was an awesome song. I said that from the start. So there. I feel like a fucking blogger. I'll have a cold shower and put a razorblade to my inner thighs as punishment.

13/100: Album Covers

2012-02-04T01:24:00.003+01:00

We settled for the name Furfag Flabby Fuckfatties Fuckplatypus. Expect us in concert halls around the globe in 2015. During a livestream that nobody cared about, I managed to create these works of wonderful cover artwork.

12/100: Band names

2012-02-02T23:39:00.003+01:00

Me and Monty decided to come up with a hip and interesting band name without having any actual music to speak of. Music is overrated unless you have a nice band name, anyway. This is what we managed to discuss.

[23:03:51] Montlygon: Also, bandnames.
[23:04:03] Montlygon: We need to form a band for that Soundcloud page I have up.
[23:05:07] Ebeeto: I think I might have just herped.
[23:05:31] Montlygon: Cool, but we need something a little shorter than that.
[23:05:58] Montlygon: trollface.wag
[23:07:15] Ebeeto: But long band names are all the rage.
[23:07:30] Ebeeto: Excuse me while I grind up against your shoulder on the bus
[23:09:27] Ebeeto: Pathology, Rice Bowl Sinners, Ingenious Idiots, Ramcloth, Slightly taller in real life, Without Direction, Gas Station Monikers, Aslan is a Lion, Crumpet Trumpet, Doggerland
[23:09:44] Ebeeto: Lords of Doggerland
[23:09:49] Montlygon: "Ramcloth" - I loled.
[23:09:55] Ebeeto: Niggerville Orchestra
[23:10:03] Montlygon: That too.
[23:10:19] Montlygon: We need more heavy metal umlauts.
[23:10:36] Ebeeto: Queens of The Niggers
[23:10:43] Ebeeto: Smells like Teen Niggers
[23:10:44] Montlygon: Niggers of the Niggers
[23:10:53] Ebeeto: Assiman's Army
[23:10:54] Montlygon: Niggers of Nigger Niggers
[23:11:02] Montlygon: Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger
[23:11:04] Ebeeto: Electric Nigger Orchestra
[23:11:09] Ebeeto: ENO
[23:11:26] Montlygon: CREATIVITY!
[23:11:33] Ebeeto: Mrs. Roberts is a whore no matter what the reverend says
[23:11:48] Ebeeto: I walked a mile and fell down flat
[23:11:53] Ebeeto: One step behind
[23:12:00] Ebeeto: Great Value
[23:12:03] Montlygon: Webster's Shitglass
[23:12:08] Ebeeto: lol
[23:12:32] Ebeeto: Amazing Fails
[23:12:33] Montlygon: Robinson's Anal Fissure
[23:12:43] Ebeeto: Anal Excavation part deux
[23:12:45] Montlygon: Sudosmet
[23:12:51] Ebeeto: METAL!
[23:12:57] Montlygon: Smegmal
[23:12:57] Ebeeto: Sudosmet-42
[23:13:15] Ebeeto: U2-UB40-BSB
[23:13:17] Montlygon: Mentoborlto
[23:13:26] Ebeeto: Brall
[23:13:43] Ebeeto: Forelar
[23:13:52] Montlygon: Filmjolber
[23:13:55] Ebeeto: Parlor Pissings
[23:14:05] Ebeeto: Brilkram
[23:14:13] Ebeeto: Frarklanrarah
[23:14:25] Ebeeto: The Fail Out Louds
[23:14:28] Montlygon: Soldalbramtestes
[23:14:37] Ebeeto: This is going nowhere
[23:14:44] Ebeeto: Going Nowhere
[23:14:53] Montlygon: I'll make a list and we can fuck with the letters.
[23:15:01] Ebeeto: Fuck
http://www.myspace.com/goingnowhere
[23:15:18] Montlygon: Niggerball.
[23:15:28] Montlygon: That was a bandname and a curse.
[23:15:37] Ebeeto: Negroballs
[23:15:54] Ebeeto: Going nowhere isn't very good.
[23:15:55] Montlygon: You know we can't use niggers in our band.
[23:16:05] Ebeeto: "No niggers allowed"
[23:16:10] Ebeeto: Back of the bus
[23:16:16] Ebeeto: Bus the backers
[23:16:23] Ebeeto: Tobacco bralls
[23:16:31] Ebeeto: Bralls of Fire
[23:16:32] Montlygon: Teenage Autogyro.
[23:16:40] Ebeeto: Teenhate Bralls
[23:16:48] Montlygon: Taintburn.
[23:16:48] Ebeeto: I am loling at this shit.
[23:16:59] Montlygon: So am I.
[23:17:04] Ebeeto: Raffrum Prawlers
[23:17:14] Ebeeto: Imagine that on a concert poster.
[23:17:22] Montlygon: Testesmokeball.
[23:17:24] Ebeeto: Concert Poster (UK + SWE)
[23:17:48] Montlygon: DJing only on Wednesday: Taintburn!
[23:18:09] Ebeeto: DPing only on Wednesday: Testesmokeball
[23:18:34] Montlygon: Monoguitar.
[23:18:51] Ebeeto: Pseudohard Contraceptive Warriors of Eden
[23:18:57] Montlygon: Smells Like Someone Farted
[23:19:06] Ebeeto: Smells like Monty faaated
[23:19:12] Ebeeto: A Fat
[23:19:30] Ebeeto: Shercock Rockers
[23:19:37] Ebeeto: Flabby Fuckfatties
[23:19:57] Ebeeto: On stage: The Flabby Fuckfatties (UK)
[23:20:01] Montlygon: Slash My Paraneum
[23:20:16] Ebeeto: Inconsiderate Penetration
[23:20:21] Montlygon: Martin is a Cock
[23:20:38] Ebeeto: Cockmartin is a Mjölnir
[23:20:55] Montlygon: Aunt Jemimah's Good Old Fashioned Roast
[23:21:12] Ebeeto: Breakfast Served Until 11
[23:21:17] Ebeeto: Jemimah's Revenge
[23:21:31] Montlygon: Can't Smell Fallujah
[23:21:44] Ebeeto: It's always nice to have a city name in the title.
[23:21:48] Ebeeto: City Name Band
[23:21:59] Ebeeto: Late Nights with Aunt Jemimah in Rome
[23:22:10] Montlygon: Gothenburg Nights
[23:22:11] Ebeeto: Brussels Just Got Hotter
[23:22:48] Ebeeto: Chiefinspector Detective Superintendent John Barnaby from Causton CID
[23:22:56] Montlygon: Cologne's Homunculus
[23:23:10] Ebeeto: Defective Superinspector Proctor
[23:23:33] Montlygon: Satan's Urologist
[23:23:51] Montlygon: Do Not Tear
[23:24:14] Montlygon: Warranty Invalidated if Seal is Removed
[23:24:22] Ebeeto: With Furry Lurve From Switzerlounge
[23:24:31] Ebeeto: Varranty Woid
[23:24:42] Ebeeto: Wawaweewa Singers
[23:24:56] Montlygon: Sherlock's Chalet
[23:25:32] Ebeeto: Great Falls of Niagara Goes Shopping on a Monday Afternoon and Forgets The Damn Shopping List
[23:25:38] Ebeeto: Shopping List
[23:25:50] Ebeeto: Butter Milk Bread Cereal Lube
[23:25:58] Montlygon: Ron Jeremy's Pumping Nights
[23:26:10] Ebeeto: Ron Paul has one Testicle
[23:26:27] Ebeeto: Ron Weasley's Uneven Pubes
[23:26:45] Montlygon: Scampismear.
[23:26:55] Ebeeto: Smeglogon.com
[23:27:10] Ebeeto: References You Don't Get
[23:27:14] Montlygon: Arninkey
[23:27:51] Montlygon: Fordechiwai
[23:27:54] Ebeeto: Brainstorm Academy
[23:27:59] Ebeeto: Waifu Factory
[23:28:05] Montlygon: Install Gentoo
[23:28:17] Montlygon: Delete System 32
[23:28:35] Ebeeto: System 32 Rebels Strike Back at The Empire
[23:28:47] Montlygon: System of a Gentoo
[23:29:06] Ebeeto: Syndromatic Mjolnir Downers
[23:29:18] Ebeeto: Take Five and Call Me In The Morning
[23:29:29] Montlygon: Various Artists
[23:29:29] Ebeeto: Brall Brigade
[23:29:33] Ebeeto: Collaboration
[23:29:47] Ebeeto: Auto-Erotic Equinox
[23:30:11] Montlygon: Self Swerving Screwdriver Whip
[23:30:28] Ebeeto: The Beetles
[23:30:45] Ebeeto: The HIVers
[23:30:49] Ebeeto: The Rapists
[23:30:57] Montlygon: Turn Your Head and Cough
[23:31:08] Montlygon: Smell My Finger
[23:31:08] Ebeeto: Give Me Head and Choke
[23:31:26] Ebeeto: Touch The Area Between My Cock And Balls And Make It Tingle
[23:31:38] Montlygon: Memorabilia
[23:31:55] Ebeeto: Hard Rock Café Guatemala
[23:32:03] Montlygon: Handle My Scrote
[23:32:06] Ebeeto: Guatemolester
[23:32:12] Ebeeto: Scrote my Handle
[23:32:31] Ebeeto: Lindsay Johan
[23:32:43] Montlygon: Two Puffs and a Synthesizer
[23:32:58] Ebeeto: Four balls, two dicks and eternal virginity
[23:33:05] Ebeeto: (and a synthesizer)
[23:33:30] Montlygon: Savage Organ
[23:33:32] Ebeeto: The great thing is that about 25 percent of these names are probably already taken.
[23:33:42] Ebeeto: Original Bandname
[23:33:49] Montlygon: What if we combine for awesome?
[23:33:57] Ebeeto: Let's combine them all.
[23:34:18] Ebeeto: Hey, you think this list is long enough to put on the 100 days wasted blog?
[23:34:29] Montlygon: Or we can pick one that sounds like it's almost there.
[23:34:44] Montlygon: Oh hell yeah. Maybe just post the chatlog.
[23:35:00] Ebeeto: My idea exactly. Say hi to the Internet!
[23:35:09] Montlygon: Fuck all of you in the ass.
[23:35:15] Ebeeto: Marvelous.
[23:35:24] Montlygon: Indeed. It's what I do best.
[23:35:33] Montlygon: Fuck everyone in the ass.
[23:36:51] Ebeeto: I might censor the n-words out, though...

11/100: Year of the Dragon

2012-02-01T11:38:00.001+01:00

About a week ago, we entered the year of the dragon. According to old Chinese dudes with slim 'staches, the dragon year is one of prosperity and greatness. This is obviously true, since I was born in the year of the dragon. Oooh! There I go with some Jim Sterling-esque self-hype (he's crying on the inside, red eyes behind shades).

At first, I was gonna blame the dragon for the huge pile of bullshit I have to wade through right now. I'm not getting any money for school while I still have loans and bills to pay in a world where capitalism is moving ever closer to the breaking point and the Internet is under constant bombardment from those same desperate forces. When Konashion's blog (Super Deepthroat developer) suddenly disappeared, I went into complete guerilla mode. Listening to Immortal Technique's The Martyr and projecting my own Scandinavian web-centered worldview onto it. In the trenches in the heart of the war, that's the place a martyr is born. Then, Konashion's blog was back online. The downtime was mysterious but short-lived. I'm stuck in Internet guerilla warfare mode, though.

The Mayans knew about the downfall of free porn and pirated video games. How desperate forces, in their last rigor mortis twitching did not change their business models but rather tried to lock their competitors in prison.

I live in a part of the world where there's no civil war and no recent war to feel all patriotic about. Why do we fight? We fight for truth. We fight for freedom. We fight for the motherfucking Internet.

A world where I can't play hentai flash games is not a world that I want to live in.

10/100: Screw it like Beckham

2012-01-31T00:55:00.001+01:00

I am in bed writing this. Mainly because I'm tired but also because I'm a huge faggot. My life for the horde! Sulligan's mex tonight!

I'm standing in front of a barn door, wielding a rake. Not because a rake is the most effective weapon, but because it was the only thing nearby. Apart from a few loose planks and some crates, the area around the barn seem to have been cleaned out. Whatever was making that noise from inside had been tidy. Whatever it was, it had to be destroyed.

Townschildren had been disappearing for months. The time it took for us to realize who were behind the atrocities was enough for it to go underground. Like a teenage mutant ninja badger from Mars. And shit.

9/100: Outsmarting a minibar

2012-01-24T05:25:00.002+01:00

I've seen some sights and smells (and homeless people) of San Francisco today, but not before I completely destroyed the mere foundation of the minibar. All through cunning logic and wonderful people skills. Or something.

8/100: Oh, shi-

2012-01-22T20:04:00.002+01:00

So. I missed two days. Should this mean I jump ahead in the count anyway? Or maybe I reset the counter? After discussing this with my main associate (my left hand) I decided to just move on (and thereby continuing on day 8 right here).

So, This eighth day in the 100 day count is a day of uncertainty. I fled the crappy weather of Sweden and ended up in California, where the weather is about the same. Tomorrow, there's also a chance of storm, so everything seems to be turning out perfectly. At least there's no snow around. I keep getting reports about Gothenburg being fairly white right no. So was New York, that I passed through on the way here. Airports with snow always look like a Siberian army base straight out of a James Bond movie.

So, I'll go out and find something fascinating today and make tomorrow's wasted day a more interesting one.

7/100: Placeholder

2012-01-19T00:42:00.003+01:00

This is my attempt at a crappy Let's play. Another day wasted and nothing of value was lost and so on and so fourth.

6/100: Blood money

2012-01-18T00:29:00.002+01:00

These are the events that took place yesterday. A trip to the blood bank. Enjoy my face and random objects for 10 minutes.

5½/100: SOPA

2012-01-17T04:12:00.003+01:00

I don't put it past any government to do anything that the people want. When people universally complained about the war in the middle east, the government ignored the population and started cluster bombing civilians and building shopping malls. I also don't think it was a co-incidence that Goldman Sachs were among the most generous of the campaign donatiors for the Bush and Obama administration either, but if I elaborate on my personal opinions of this any more, I fear I'll be labelled as a conspiracy theorist, communist, socialist, etcetera... etcetera. This is just the shitty world we live in. Question fishy things going on and you might as well start working on your tin foil fedora as far as anyone else is concerned.

This is not to say that the government will do anything that is objectively right either. While the scientific method has been completely successful in generating the technology necessary to watch pornography on the move and track the populace simultaneously, when things like crime, poverty and war still exist, it's probably safe to assume that no government is operating on any degree of objectivity. People are fine with being tracked because they're blissfully happy and don't need to complain, but as soon as something gets taken away from them, they realise that they've lost a lot of personal freedom in the time they were distracted with their iPhone.

So when I see yet another law chipping the American's personal freedoms away by another scrap, I weep for the future of the rest of the world, as the world doesn't know what the fuck to do without the American capitalist system. It's not okay to chip away too much personal freedom, otherwise we'll have SOPA, but if you chip away just enough to get away with it, then you just need to keep doing it until you get what you want. Eventually a law in your favour will slip through if you keep persisting, and I don't think the SOPA scandal will be an exception. A far more subtler, vaguer law will pass sometime in the future when the US government has more celebrities or corporate executives such as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mitt Romney or Ronald Reagan as congressmen.

The internet is the most free medium out there. TV will show whatever Viacom or Fox wants you to see. The internet will show you what scientists want you to see. Lots and lots of free porn. The internet will show you what you like and connect you with anyone. I can understand why the entertainment industry would find an issue with an abundant medium when they profit on scarcity.

I just see myself as realistic. I don't believe in politics because I don't think any economy should be run over one politician's opinion over the other. I think it should be run on the scientific method. I don't believe in politics because a politician can be bribed behind closed doors to serve the interests of those that paid them. I don't believe in politics because politicians always lie and ignore the people that voted for them.

5/100: Wasted

2012-01-17T03:20:00.002+01:00

Today was literally wasted. I stayed up all night last night due to the hospital fucking up my schedule and I ended up sleeping all day.

It's just as well, I would have wrote a rant about Jo Brand but that wouldn't have been very good.

5/100: What we dreamt of

2012-01-17T00:03:00.003+01:00

I can still see you sitting there, on the swing by the shed. Your soul not yet scratched by the betrayal of future passing. I pushed you on that swing and you smiled.

Your heart hadn't yet been hollowed out by the sharp edges of rough words. Your screams unheard and your crying never witnessed. Before you lay a lifetime. A lifetime cut short.

*cue beatnik finger snapping*

Also, YouTube is being an asshole and I'll have to wait until tomorrow before I can upload a video about what I did today. I donated blood, and the video is about that.

4/100: Musician's block

2012-01-16T00:15:00.004+01:00

Today I dabbled mainly in FL Studio for a bit testing my abilities at making screeching noises. There isn't much to say on this topic other than what has already been said in the article I made for DHI about making music.

Today was only different in the fact that I managed to bang out something that sounded vaguely like the beginnings of a Daft Punk song. Of course, it's missing the robot voice repeating the same words, and I doubt it would sound very nice if I made a song that had a very British robot saying "y'dick" and "orite ah-kid?" over and over. Naturally, I'm waiting for a French person to volunteer.

Anyone still reading this is welcome to peruse my Soundcloud for any suggestions for improvement. After all, if I'm not writing an article nobody will find funny, I'll be making another song to add to my growing work in progress collection.

http://soundcloud.com/mrmontmorency

Ebeeto always expresses interest in the idea of becoming a duo, which naturally sounds awesome. What could be better than the merging of fart noises and amateur hip-hop beats? Much like most things on DHI, our ideas fizzle into impotent shit when we hit that "we're in different countries" barrier. Who knows what shit we could make if we finally moved to the same place and swapped our virginities with each other? Only time will tell. We may be the next Daft Punk, albeit very socially awkward and desperate.

4/100: Son of Microsoft Sam smokes crack

2012-01-15T23:41:00.002+01:00

Instead of rambling about how stressed out I am right now, I let the emotional trauma of evolution and acid-base studies build up so that my mind exploded and this was born. Enjoy as much as you can.

3/100: A light in the darkness

2012-01-14T22:55:00.003+01:00

I can't stand anything that's fully lit. I'd prefer hell over heaven simply because heaven is so fucking bright. At least the décor would be tasteful to me in hell as I suffer for the rest of eternity for stealing a few pencils and Hollywood movies over the internet. It's not the darkness, really. It's the way that dark and light go together so well. It makes everything cozy. Every website out there right now is well lit, black text on white everything. It's so sterile and uncomfortable.

Back when we used to be cavemen, we enjoyed the shade of the tree canopy during the day while hunting woolly mammoths and porking cave women, and during the night we'd all snuggle up in the darkness around the fire chowing down on a cheetah. The fire was safe. The beacon of comfort in the predator filled darkness. Even though when the sun came up again and we could see everything, we'd never feel the same ethereal warmth and comfort that a light in a sea of darkness could provide.

In the modern world, we have houses that might as well be reverse black holes. Absolutely no darkness can escape the penetrating stare of phosphorous light. Every minute effect of light on each object is drowned in a sea of crappy, slightly orange bulbs. Light permeates so much of our lives in the modern world, it's lost all meaning. It's become as meaningless as the darkness is frightening. It's boring and unoriginal. It's an overdose of a anti-depressant that turns you into an unemotional zombie. If everything is happy to you, none of it is.

That's why when I discovered LED lights and LE wire, my perspective changed. That primal "light in a sea of darkness is comforting" part of my brain kicked in, and I fell in love with the idea of turning everything into a magical glowing wonderland of Tron goodness. Where a single phosphorous light would normally illuminate the entire room effortlessly into a drab monotonous environment, I'd come to appreciate the fact that we take this offering of light for granted every day. If we used light sparingly, not only would everything look cooler, but small spaces wouldn't be so shitty. Instead of wondering what the hell you're doing with your life if you live in a minuscule claustrophobic dorm room apartment with a bathroom where you can't shut the door,
modest, glowing lighting and a few beanbags would turn the room into a comforting place where everything you love glows and you come appreciate this bay of safety. Your home. It would feel like a home in the same way that a warm fire on a dark night would be your safety in the wilderness.

A city night when it's raining is always more awesome than the daytime rat race. The sun is old school. We have our own tiny little blue diode suns now. You can turn any place you want into a veritable galaxy where the things you use become satellites in your own universe. Homes don't really feel safe. They might be safe, but you never get that release of chemicals in your head like you would if you covered your home with miniature glowing orbs.

This is my justification for leaving the curtains closed.

3/100: THAT's what I'll do!

2012-01-14T20:45:00.002+01:00

During the course of my time nowadays, there's always something I should do. If it's not a review of some mediocre game for PC Gamer, it's an overdue assignment in school or something else that needs to be done and should be done before a certain point in time. This is the soil where lost ideas grow.

Whenever there's a deadline for something and I'm sitting up until 4:30 in the morning, combining sloth-like masturbation and a bare minimum of actual productivity, my mind is flooded with ideas that I'm sure I'll realize at a later date. Some lyrics for a great song pops into my head, I decide to plan an experimental video project or build something marvelous. All these projects are tucked away in the back of my head while I'm desperately struggling to get the forced labor done. "When I'm finished with this frustrating article, I'll do something totally awesome and everyone will want to be my ol' chum."

When the thing I need to do is done, however, there's a 95% chance that I'll spend whatever free time I have staring at random YouTube clips or coming up with new exciting ways to masturbate. Nothing ever gets done. No crazy ideas turn into anything substantial. These ideas stay right where they are, hidden away in the darkest corners of my under stimulated brain. After all, when I don't need to do something; then why should I do it?

I have this final chance to make the last 6 months of chemistry and biology studies not go to waste, and thereby I must write several pages about biologic diversity and hydrocarbons. Until that is done, I couldn't possibly bring myself to create anything else. It wouldn't be right to sit around and work on something creative when I have other semi-creative assignments waiting to get done. Apparently, my brain has decided that playing Newgrounds games and jacking off is excluded from this rule. I shouldn't make a neat song when I'm supposed to be describing what happens chemically when you burn a candle, but the ban doesn't apply to auto eroticism and leveling up in some never-ending zombie flash game. My brain is an asshole, and I doubt I'll ever be able to figure out how it actually works. If I could, I wouldn't sit here semi-depressed over not getting important things done and my penis wouldn't be as humorously chaffed as it is.

2/100: >2012 >still no waifu

2012-01-13T22:35:00.002+01:00

As I'm typing this, I'm surprised there's a shred of interesting material for me to blog about. This probably won't change the fact that nobody will read beyond this sentence unless Ebeeto is tucked into the author field. Maybe I can fool some people into continuing if I don't bring this up? Too late. Alright, bye! See you in hell.

I recieved a £60 portable muscle hard drive of cool that holds 250gb and is about as big as a smartphone. Minutes after receiving it, I discovered that there are 1tb portable harddrives available within the United Kingdom and not the asshole of Taiwan, where the stench of misery and depression permeates the sweat from said ass, even more so than the sweat leaking profusely from my shut-in bollocks. I'll send this thing back since it seems to be burning a hole of depressing, child-slave labour guilt through my computer desk. It's also the wrong size. I need to maximise my pornography storage for every pound spent, since technically I'll be paying for my porn that way, and I don't want to seem like a teenager from the 1980's hastily cracking one off behind the bushes.

Also, I'm now a novice weeaboo of some kind. A visual novel thing made by some guys on 4chan was released about a week ago, called Kajower Wajewjew, to my disorganised British grey matter interpretation of what a Japanese word forms in my mind before it dissolves into incomprehension like a cloud of marijuana smoke in a beatnik poetry club. Katawa Shoujo is the weeaboo name for it. My last run in with weeaboo culture was a confused visit to /a/ and a passing interest in deep fried tonkatsu, because I was hungry and I already had bacon. I already died once in this game after a manly picnic and now I'm being a terrible conversationalist to a readheaded girl with no arms that does everything with her feet. Is this... a waifu? I'm so outcasted I don't have a waifu. 2012 and I don't have a waifu yet. Forever alone.

I like this blogging thing. I don't get that "oh fuck, do I have to think about something now?" feeling before I write anything. With any luck this project will be equally, if not more terrible in quality than the stuff I write that requires a degree of concentration beforehand.

2/100: Mobile power!

2012-01-13T21:58:00.001+01:00

This post is being posted from my phone. Today's technology is surely fascinating. I don't have to sit at the computer, but instead kick back in this here leather sofa with a glass of red and blog on a device smaller than most hard drives. Some people might praise smartphone technology because you can do impressive things outdoors, out and about. I strongly believe leaving the house is a dangerous activity, so my phone is mainly a Bathroom Internet Machine.

My Bathroom Internet Machine is a Samsung Galaxy S2. It's one of those phones that tech journalist unanimously decided was the best thing since sliced bread and I pretty much agree. The Android system has evolved into a very capable platform so far and I enjoy being able to do most stuff a computer can do, except on the shitter. The biggest surprise is the on-screen keyboard that actually works really well. This goes for most touch screen devices and this phone has been a great typewriter-on-the-go during bus rides and the like. This post is written entirely on the phone after all, and it's perfectly readable. Yes?

Two days down, 98 to go. Ask questions and nag in the comment section.

1/100: My appendix is a pussy

2012-01-13T01:02:00.003+01:00

Alright, fukken 'ell.

Ebeeto seems to be anxious to get me involved in this strange 1 blog-post-a-day-that-nobody-will-read thing. I'm not complaining since DHI hasn't been updated in a while and I'm not bothered to start up a blog of my own that nobody will read where all I say is "I'm doing this thing!" and then I don't do it and masturbate instead. At least this way... I can tell you why yet another day has passed where absolutely nothing productive has taken place, and I can read back all the posts and re-evaluate my lack of a life.

So, I started this day in the hospital, blinking in and out of conciousness as the nurses of the glorious NHS were doing regular "turn your head and cough"'s and flicking the lights on and off in the middle of the fucking night. My appendix decided to be an asshole and hold my colon hostage for the crappy food I'd been running through it for the last 18 years. Eventually the doctors talked him down, and he's still in there, being a douche. A very painful douche. I'll send him some fibre. Next time I cut the fucker out myself. The doctors gave me stern looks when appendix decided not to Jihad the fuck out of my anus, almost as if it was a sibling argument gone awry and one had stabbed the other in the leg with a pair of hedge trimmers.

Here's to a potentially uneventful 99 days of boring blog posts.

1/100: Challenge accepted in order to fail

2012-01-12T23:41:00.002+01:00

Dear readers,

I saw someone mentioning a 100 days-one-post-a-day blog marathon thing. Sounds like a challenge, and you know how I love to accept and fail challenges. Let's do this! Let's do this right now! I officially change this blog into "DHI's 100 days wasted". It's been a long time since I was sitting here in Blogger writing stuff. Now, the idea is that I'll do it once a day for a hundred days. I might get Monty in here as well. Hey! Get in here, Monty.

Today, I have had a personal crisis because of overdue school assignments that realistically will never be submitted and my future as a welfare case and/or dumpster living beard creature is drawing near. It does not feel great, but then again neither does stabbing yourself with kitchen utensils. I might try that.

One day down, 99 to go. I'll just allow unregistered comments, so there can be some form of two-way communication.

Rock on, bitches!

2011-01-14T00:00:00.004+01:00

Hey, people! This is what it'll look like when I write on here. Rock on, motherfuckers! YEAH! Hookers and blow! And shit. Cool and the gang.

Have a good day now, hear!

- Mr. Ginger Finger

Opening up for all

2011-01-13T23:42:00.003+01:00

This is a post from DHI Finance - leaders in economy, finance and money.

What a crazy, turbulent time this has been. Not only have our company managed to seal the deal to buy this web space for about the same amount as the Europeans paid the Native Americans for their land and women, we have now decided to open it up for the other companies inside DHI industries. Through this here quaint Internet hole, all of our daughter companies and partners will be able to communicate to their customers. Isn't this great? This is hereby the one stop shop for DHI Records, DHI Publishing, DHI Kids and DHI Games. In our diverse family, we're all equally happy (as long as the Mexicans are mowing our lawns and those Finns keep their knives tucked away. Here's looking at you, Jarmo from accounting. You stab happy little bastard!).

We all hope this will be satisfactory to all of our clients, customers and end-users. Otherwise, there are literally thousands of creative ways to end your life, you filthy communist asshole.

Thank you for your time,

Eric Geldistgut

CEO, DHI Finance

An open letter response to Jochem

2011-01-12T11:48:00.005+01:00

Original letter from Jochem:

Dear mr. Geldistgut,
being one of your clients, I am frankly starting to lose faith in DHI Finance. I feel my money would be better at home invested in a goatballsoup factory than in DHI Finance after the recent emails that have been leaked. The climate of repression in your company is simply appalling. You should be ashamed of your treatment of Mr. Montmorency. In my days, when a man killed a couple of whores, he proudly took their corpses to his office and displayed them for everyone to see, but in these prudish times the moral guardians force one to hide these jolly activities more and more. I am appalled that you would encourage this pure censorship within DHI Finance itself.
Appalled,
a disgruntled customer

Mr. Geldistguts response:

Dear disgruntled customer,

Here at DHI Finance, we strongly believe happy customers and great finance to be of utmost importance to our business. On a daily basis, we strive to achieve a one hundred percent satisfaction rate. Other people in the industry claim that only a fool could believe such a thing possible. "Every single one of your clients happy?" they say. "That's like building a machine that supplies itself with unlimited power, or give a woman an orgasm. It's simply not possible."

We laugh in the face of skeptics such as these. Preferably after eating something expensive with a lot of garlic. Over the years, we have never experienced a client not satisfied with our services of handling finance and economy (and money). In light of this fact, your letter is most disturbing. It gives me a sense of uncanny delusion and otherworldly dread, much like ethnic diversity and women driving cars. There must be something we can do to compensate you.

I asked my advisors for the best way to handle a problematic turn of events such as this, and after a number of death threats and more than a few Indian burns, they gladly advised me to book you a 2-week stay in the penthouse of one of our finest DHI Thailand resorts. There's sun, bathing and refreshments. You'll also be able to sexually interact with minors, buy cheap knock-off brand clothing and drink cheap knock-off brandy. All while listening to the latest Top of The Pops chart songs and feel like a king in foreign lands (Thai people are fucking stupid and gladly give you everything they have if they get the chance. Something to do with religion, I think).

We at DHI Finance nurture the hope that this will more than compensate for the emotional trauma you must have experienced during these last few days. I would also like to inform you that over the next week, the sales department break room will be converted into our new, fully equipped DHI Prostitute Rapery™, where Mr. Sebastian Montmorency will be able to get the privacy he needs in order to fully experience the joys of taking advantage of the less intellectual and intelligent.

Yours truly,

Eric Rich van Geldistgut I

CEO, DHI Finance

Technical difficulties?

2011-01-10T22:41:00.003+01:00

It seems that some e-mail correspondence has been leaked onto this public space. I would remove these rather embarrassing and possibly incriminating messages, but I'm frankly too rich to care. I don't even know how to edit posts on here.

So, I might as well go through this channel and personally address Montmorency.

Monty, you lady killer, you.

Some people have been giving me hell because of the smell in the cafeteria. The now pig-shaped bags reek of cheap perfume and semen. This is giving the food a rather prostitute-esque taste and I'm worried that someone might catch wind of your little hobby. Could you try smearing animal intestines all over the bags (or maybe use one of those stench killer sprays that I used to get the cat urine smell out of the love pillows on A-6).

Also, I think we need new people down in the boiler room. The greasers down there have started to develop a religion based around the boiler and I've heard chanting on two occasions. We want our employees to be loyal to the company, but this is ridiculous.

Also, get me some of that nice scotch that I like. That red stuff with the label saying "Cherry"-something. Could be lingonberry vodka. Fuck, I'm wasted.

E-mail correspondence through ALL EMPLOYEES MAILING LIST

2011-01-03T17:56:00.002+01:00

This e-mail correspondence has been forwarded to this website through the ALL EMPLOYEES MAILING LIST.

FROM: seb.montmorency@deadhorseinterchange.com

TO: all.employeelist@deadhorseinterchange.com

SUBJ: fwd:re:re:re:re:re:re:Help me or I'll cut your nuts off

Eric, I've checked all of the office storage rooms. I can't find any black bin liners.

What the fuck? What are the employees using them on?

Seb

FROM: eric.geldistgut@deadhorseinterchange.com

TO: all.employeelist@deadhorseinterchange.com

SUBJ: fwd:re:re:re:re:re:re:re:Help me or I'll cut your nuts off

I don't think that the employees used them.

You simply have killed so many prostitutes, we haven't had time to get a new stock of black bags. Would you mind kindly if you stopped making more bodies than we can mince in the cafeteria? I think the employees are starting to notice the change of taste, and Tim in accounting started growing a rash around his mouth.

The employees are starting to worry about the frequent visits you make to the kitchen dragging prostitute shaped bags. Thankfully, it seems that the employees think that you're dragging swine into the building.

E. Geldisgut

FROM: seb.montmorency@deadhorseinterchange.com

TO: all.employeelist@deadhorseinterchange.com

SUBJ: fwd:re:re:re:re:re:re:re:re:Help me or I'll cut your nuts off

Oh fuck! These emails are on the public mailing list!! What the fuck did you do, you fat turd?!

FUCK FUCK FUCK

Kill all the employees. let's start over. I'm going to lay low until the heat dies down.

E-mail correspondence through ALL EMPLOYEES MAILING LIST

2011-01-02T16:07:00.007+01:00

This e-mail correspondence has been forwarded to this website through the ALL EMPLOYEES MAILING LIST.

FROM: lloyd@deadhorseinterchange.com

TO: all.employeelist@deadhorseinterchange.com

SUBJ: fwd:merry new fucking year assholes!!!!!

hey everyone

i fucking love all of you assholes. ive worked here for a long time and i love how you all are awesome and make lots of money..

i wanted to let you all kno that i just spent €22,000 to hire 13 prostitutes to do that stupid caramelldansen for me for two hours. after the dance i made them eat pastry that i had put a lot of salt on. they looked silly hahaha lol

happy new year!!!! this scotch is top fucking notch, people.. thanks for the company christmas basket. i already used up all the ribbed condoms for x-mas tree decorations. yeah.

thanks and awesome,

lloyd, janitor sector A6

FROM: eric.geldistgut@deadhorseinterchange.com

TO: all.employeelist@deadhorseinterchange.com

SUBJ: re:fwd:merry new fucking year assholes!!!!!

Hey,

I can see you're enjoying yourself, Mr. Lloyd.

I'm not going to spoil anything concerning promotions to come in 2011, but I'm pretty sure you can look forward to your own office and a whole lot of finance to look after. Finance that you're free to handle as you please. We need more people like you, Lloyd. Thanks for being with us.

E. Geldistgut

Expenditures

2011-01-01T13:15:00.006+01:00

Due to problems with our Gallop Internal Email System caused by Tim in accounting spilling coffee on the email server, (erasing what appeared to be a lot of pornography exchanged between Ebeeto and Schlasser) we'll be publicly posting a new checking report regarding the alarming condition of our expenditures, so everyone will be in the know about recent developments.

As you can see, there is a 2 litre increase in the consumption of coffee, and a 4 tonne decrease in the use of paper.

I expect our employees to rectify this before these figures show our competitors that the DHI Finance family is not a happy family. And in our family, there is no mercy.

Employees attending the skii trip in February must provide their own equipment. Due to health and safety, they'll have to be purchased when you reach the resort. I'm currently in talks over the possibility that you'll have to buy new clothes as well upon arrival, due to recent terrorist concerns.

Warmest wishes,

Seb D. Montmorency

2010: A Retrospect, part i

2010-12-27T19:12:00.004+01:00

I look back on the year 2010 in a very satisfied and almost sexually perverse way. Our company has grown far bigger than our overpaid accountants and financial advisors ever could have guessed. We know that we're good, but it feels good to know that we always outrank our own expectations.

In order to celebrate our success, I have just submitted the paperwork to legally change my name to Eric Rich van Geldistgut I. I also paid three of Steve Jobs' closest friends to sing me a Christmas carol about my richness. I have felt this good before, but this is the best I've felt without having to hire prostitutes.

More excess to come.

PS. Don't forget to sign up for the company skiing trip that's scheduled for February. Employees that don't sign up will be fired in March.

A new chapter in the DHI Finance story

2010-12-22T00:41:00.001+01:00

We at DHI Finance are happy to announce the acquisition of this blog space. That which formerly was a mundane entertainment and/or electronic gaming web log is now the primary medium through which our thriving company will communicate with you, our customers and clients.

DHI Finance was established in northern Britain in 1924, following the great bonfire of Mugglemuffin parish. Since then, we have been handling money, finance, funds and economy in any form and grown them like seeds before reaping the ripe fruit of hard labor. We've also sold T-shirts since 1976.

My name is Eric Geldistgut and I believe in the power of doing things to get money.

Watch this space for any and all information about upcoming events and chances to become extremely rich.

The Holiday Merry Festivities

2010-12-22T00:36:00.000+01:00

Hello, employees. Here at DHI Finance family, a sense of cohesion and connection is what we wish to establish in all of us, be it white, black, brown or cyan (but especially brown).

It is with great joy that we announce the final arrangements for the official DHI Finance Family Holiday Kwanzahannukristmas Party, located on the 23rd floor of The Dead Horse Interchange Plaza (in Conference Room 2, please bear in mind that Conference Room 3 nearby is not the location as originally stated and is now reserved for the DHI Billiards and Beastiality festivities going on until the 25th of January, an annual event which will continue into the night following our Party's end at 7pm)

It is with great delight that we thank all of our loyal employees for their great contributions to the DHI Finance family, we will be offering complimentary "Glitter and Tinsel Free" party hats, free of charge, thanks to the proceeds from last years "Gary Glitter Flogging Fundraiser". We hope that these party hats will show us as an example of the great extent we care for our employees well-being in the absence of potentially blinding glitter and homosexually encouraging silver party hat tinsel.

In Conference Room 2, we will be offering non-alcoholic beer, mince free mince pies, and federally mandated mineral water. Additionally, we will be providing the soothing sounds of enya, elevator music and Muzak. Following all of this will be a short lecture and presentation on the new employee guidelines for 2011 and beyond.

Party:

4pm - 5pm

Lecture and Presentation:

5pm - 7pm

Attending our festivities is mandatory if your name has a vowel or the letter "D" in it. It is expressly forbidden to mention any variation of the words Christmas, pine tree, Hanukkah, Ramadan or any other unrelated holiday. Security officials will be in attendance to police this matter.

The party will be set on the 23rd December, as last year. Employees are legally required to cancel all prior arrangements as detailed in the employee handbook; Chapter 14, Clause 8, Section B, Subsection xvii or face the threat of up to 40 days in prison.

Regards, the DHI Finance Community.

A christmas present!

2010-12-21T23:38:00.002+01:00

Hello!

Anyone there? See what just happened to the blog! It's completely crazy! It's almost as if it's alive. It feels so 2008. I'm so 2008, you so 2000 and late! Fergie-ferg, my humps!

Your christmas present for this year is a haiku that goes like this.

The wind was so cold
The scream so distant
The penetration was rough

Official blog hibernation

2009-08-17T23:48:00.003+02:00

Hey, neglected still-somewhat-interested-in-failed-YouTube-person people! The blog (and video updates, of course) has been quiet like a cemented grave full of dead stuff for a while, but I never put up a post like this. It's a hibernation kind of post to tell you all that the blog is officially down for a while (how long, I'm not sure).

Now, this is not a bad thing. See, I've started to build Rome here. If anyone thought I'd spent the last 2 years planning something totally awesome, you are completely wrong of course. This is something that's been planned for about a week now. Off and on. SO! Let's get to the point like a knight with one of those pointy metal stick things.

Since you guys still reading this blog from time to time are not really a huge bunch of people, I can tell you stuff that's kinda non-official. This will be my future home of the Internets:

ebeeto.com

Hell, yeah. I've got my own domain name and everything. Very professional, yes? There's nothing there now, though, except for a crap message. Read it 15 times for a couple of minutes of entertainment.

So, no blog right now? What happens then? Well, I was just forced into this whole Twitter thing, so I thought; if I can't be assed to update this blog, I might be able to update a shitty little Twitter account instead, right? Let's try it, shall we?

twitter.com/ebeeto

Please direct any flaming, death threats and generic "make a fucking video"-messages to junk@ebeeto.com. Also, yee-haw!

Max Payne 3 Teaser Trailer

2009-06-24T19:41:00.001+02:00

Some really stupid screenshots from Max Payne 3 were released today. Everyone knows this. What they don't know is that this teaser trailer was also released. Oh, the pain.

There I go running away again

2009-06-06T18:34:00.002+02:00

The EA mercenaries didn't get to me. I heard them coming so I snuck out the back door (which I made myself with a sledge hammer) and ran off into the woods. I've been feeding on road kill and my own pocket lint for almost a month now. I learned some life lessons, which I immediately forgot.

So, I've neglected you guys and wrote a load of bull in my Swedish blog instead. Someone once said that I'm very good at doing many different things at the same time. I didn't hear that, though, since I was busy breathing.

Summer is here (at least over here) and that means more free time for me, but not necessarily more videos for you. I never make promises anymore, and one thing I've learned over the past few years is that I'm pretty much useless at doing most things in existance. I have, however, been passed on the Most Subscribed top chart for Sweden by 3 people. Some guy who makes some video game something, another guy who does some video game something and a drummer. This has got to be fixed. HOW? you ask. Some new videos, maybe? Fuck if I knew.

I am, however, not dead. Let's just keep hoping for me to get a heart attack.

Did I just diss a giant games company?

2009-05-12T01:22:00.002+02:00

I just wrapped up my The Sims 3 review and sent it off to the magazine. I enjoyed the game, but gave it (probably) the lowest rating it will get in any games publication (not a particularily bad score, though) mostly because of lack of stuff and the sheer consumerism what with the expansion pack business and all of that. I wonder if EA will send hitmen after me now... Will I be a marked man when the magazine reaches shelves? But I have so much to give! Anally! To dogs! ... No. Enough with the disgusting stuff.

If I'm already dead tomorrow, you'll know why. (Not that you'd really notice if I'm dead at the speed this blog is currently updated...)

You are abused!

2009-05-10T23:49:00.002+02:00

You are all abused. You really are. I haven't typed a thing on here for just about a million years, and it's all thanks to The Sims 3. I'm currently working my nads off trying to get an intelligent review done as fast as possible and I've just forgotten about this whole Internet thing. Is it still around? Looks like it...

So, this is not a long and important message at all, but rather a sad attempt at filling out the massive ukranian anal porn gape-gap between blog posts. I really intend to do something about this but right now I'm a bit stuck between a rock and a hard cock, desperately trying to meet an already stretched out deadline.

I'll get right back on whatever I was on (not heroin) in a bit. Just let me collect my thoughts, my dignity and my anal feast. Sorry, what? Tired like all hell and in need of sleep ASAP? Hell, no. I'm ready to stoke the crisis donkey bag and get a hold of the scene. What?

...

Drifting. Away.

Lord of The Beavers... Lord... Hugah.

Did you say cheese bits?

Chillin' at the Hilton

2009-04-22T01:46:00.002+02:00

Hella-low, males and females!

I'm currently chilling out in my room at the Hilton. I'm trying to keep myself from ordering random crap through room service. It'd be fun to order my own "Fun Meal Combo"; a ham omelet, a pint of lager and two assorted underage prostitutes. "Put it on my room, please."

The Agency looks like it could be a pretty cool game. A core shooter with MMO-instance:ish-missions and a load of customization. They also had pasta at the offices and gave me a laser pen so I'm obliged to love them.

Hit'cha back later, dudes, dudes and eventual dudette.

Fleeing the country

2009-04-19T23:27:00.003+02:00

Early as hell tomorrow, I'm heading for Seattle and the The Agency show-off. America. Oh, yeah. One hell of a place, right? Quite literally.

I'm expecting robberies, knifings and loads of rape. If nobody does that to me, I'll just have to take matters into my own hands and rape-rob random people, just to fulfill my messed up expectations. Then again, Seattle is so close to Canada that it's practically the same place. I've seen Farenheit 9/11. People keep their doors unlocked in Canada. They also say "eh". I also don't know anything substantial about anything.

I'll make sure to fit some blogging in at the Hilton Bellevue and continue to spew crap about Fritzl and random obsceneties. I'll try to make a grotesquely boring video from there too. If I was HARDCORE I'd sneak a camera in to the show and show all of you the game. I'm not, so I'll just aim a camera out the hotel window and talk bullcrap while masturbating (which you won't know that I'm doing... You'd still be gay for watching it, though).

Wish me luck! (Or kick me in the ass if you're a theatrical kind of person).

Globetrottin' and lack of penis

2009-04-12T16:28:00.003+02:00

Well, wasn't this a bit of a long time away from the blog? This is mainly due to me constantly shitting moderately sized bricks. Why is that? Well, partly because I'm afraid they'll find the children I have buried behind my house, but also since I'm going on a business trip. A business trip to fucking Seattle.

I've been assigned by PC Gamer to check out Sony's exclusive gameplay showcase of The Agency, and must therefore go halfway around the world, by myself, and hopefully avoid getting robbed, raped and stabbed. If anyone happens to be in the business district of Seattle on the 21st of April, you might get a chance to kick me in the nuts for being an arrogant asshole who doesn't make videos.

While we're on the subject of videos, did anyone see the Assassin's Creed 2 teaser trailer? That was the stupidest thing I've ever laid my seeing-impaired eyes on. If you haven't seen it; don't. The weirdest thing about it is the Da Vinci-dude without a cock. What went wrong there? Ubisoft cut off mankind's balls and expect to get away with it? I haven't read anything of importance about the upcoming sequel, and all I'm sure about is that the story will be more confusing than great lake corncob with all the sauce on a sunday morning before we were all the rage.

When Ass-Creed 2 gets more hyped as time passes by, it'll be time for me to make a proper recording of the Rant-Thingy BETA that's been up on Ebeeto Beta for about a million years now. I can't really wrap my head around how damn failed everything's become with me and video making. It's really weird, all of it.

Easter's come and is on the way out. We burned a load of crap on a bonfire back here, and I now have a cool looking scar on my right hand from a burning plastic cord. I also ate chocolate and drank a crapload of beer. This is probably the reason why I almost burned myself to death with old burning electronic devices. Try to minimize any combinations of alcohol and fire. The results can be too hilarious to concieve. Huzzah.

Let's see what the rest of the day has in it's scrotum for me. It's a pretty slow day right now... Oh, well...

April's Rickroll that could have been

2009-04-02T22:37:00.002+02:00

My heinous mind was playing with the thought of doing the above as an April's Fools joke. You might think that I realized the wrongs of my ways and decided that it would be really mean, and therefore didn't do it. The truth is of course, that I couldn't be assed to actually upload a Rickroll, and just jacked off and went to bed instead.

In other news, the utterly useless ads are gone again, and in it's place are some pretty well-meaning public service crap. In order to get them back, I probably need to write positive things about Josef "World's Greatest Dad" Fritzl or bash Google a bit. But I won't attempt any forced jokes about that Awesome Austrian, since some considerate person whined about it in the comments. I always listen to comments. I also smoke crack, eat human flesh and fly around the globe in my Erectocopter that I built out of old tuna cans.

24 army members, too! I'm gonna have to start assigning grades and jobs in case of zombie infestation. Anyone who wants to be "10th Grade Frappuccino of The Wastes"?

Stomach-raped, eh?

2009-03-30T11:24:00.000+02:00

I can't seem to get any damn momentum here. Another couple of days without a blog post. The weekends are some pretty non-busy days, huh?

A terrible stomach-rape has struck down on me with furious anger, and I've mostly been laying around in the sofa watching old DVDs. I woke up last night about midnight and had to barf my intenstines out. Maybe had something to do with that chicken I ate yesterday. Or the roadkill I ate yesterday. Or the massive throbbing penis I got in my ear yesterday.

I have a well-thought up masterplan of spending most of the remainder of today on that there sofa, watching those old DVDs. Most people would say that's a terrific idea, and so do I.

A little glance to the right of this asshole text shows that I have now reached a new record of 20 cadets in my awesome army. You will all have a spot in my Zombie Extermination Team when Z day comes. Start doing those reps and crunches right now, soldier! Hoo-rah!

Capitalism reign supreme!

2009-03-25T20:34:00.000+01:00

Telling Google to eat a cock is appearently the right way to go if you want ad revenue on this thing. Now, all of a sudden, the ads are back in effect and I'm once again on my way to becoming an e-millionaire. Idiot companies from all over the world want your money and everything's back to normal.

Josef Fritzl is still going behind bars, though. Everyone is very sorry about this. President Max will certainly make things right whenever he gets back from his 6 week vacation in Thailand. That guy always had a thing for underage prostitutes. Then again; who doesn't, right?

Rage thread, GO!

2009-03-25T00:23:00.004+01:00

DISCLAIMER: Sorry for the obnoxious meme reference.

Josef Fritzl

2009-03-23T00:34:00.002+01:00

It's scandalous! It's outrageous! It's the key evidence to prove that the Austrian justice system is fundamentally broken. Josef "Cuddle Snuggle" Fritzl was convicted of rape, incest and murder (among other cool stuff). How can they be so judgemental to this nice old man?

As far as I can imagine; I don't think the prosecution had any evidence, at all, to back up their claims. They probably made it all up and photoshopped a couple of photos. I saw it on TV once. They sure can do some awe-inspiring stuff with computers nowadays. Those evil lawyer people had been judging poor Josef from the beginning. They didn't even give him a fair chance to explain why rape can sometimes be justified and a very fun activity for the whole family.

We can at least be happy that the game (probably) will be out soon. I'm talking about the expansion pack for Japanese rape simulator RapeLay:
Don't you just look forward to decorating the digital basement and making sure everything runs smoothly with the new manager system? This'll win "Game of The Year", "Simulator of The Year" and "Racing Game of The Year" for sure!

Google Adsense doesn't like my blog!

2009-03-18T20:45:00.001+01:00

In an egocentric attempt at making loads of easy Internet money, I added ads to this blog a long time ago. So far, this has generated absolutely no money at all for me to spend on alcohol, chocolate, stomach fat and Russian mail order brides. Why? Because of the good old profanity issues.

You see, in order to get your whoring money from Google AdSense, you need at least $100 on your account. I've never made this much money, even though the blog's had space-eating ads for far too long already. At the moment, the only ads that show up are Google's Public Service ads. These generate no money. I'm doomed to be poor and alone forever.

The reason why no companies want your money by luring you away from my awesome blog and selling you crap, is probably that I use a couple of swear words in this blog. Well, ain't that a motherfucking cunt bitch of massive dong slurping proportions, eh fuckers? I also think the ads stopped popping up after I named Max Hardcore the president of The United States. Those ad people are assholes and apparently do not support the freedom of speech and anal rape.

For a matter of seconds, I thought "Wa-wa-wee-waah! Let's make this blog a bit more clean, then!". This thought was vaporized by my anti-social tendencies very quickly. Frankie Sinatra's voice singing "I did it myyyy waaaaay" was echoing in my head when I decided; Let's do it my way!

So, hold on to your fucks and shitters! The journey's just begun, says the starey-eyed dwarf in the corner and disappears magically. He was a ghost dwarf. With starey-eyes. Let's see if AdSense comes to their senses (pun! PUN! FUN PUN!) and gives me fuckloads of monies, or if they are doomed to roam the Internet as a fail machine in general.

Who doesn't have adblockers for these things, anyway?

MOTHERF*CKER!

2009-03-18T00:18:00.003+01:00

The above image is meant to reflect the disappointment and feelings of fail that consume me at the moment. The reason? No bloggity update for 10 days! I'm supposed to be a reformed and wonderful person!

Reasons are, among others, a documentary film that we've been working on for three weeks for school. It's finished now, but the last days of work (editing, mainly) were a motherbitch. I couldn't fit in either Internet "socializing" or video games while doing that stuff.

Right now, I'm updating mainly for the sake of updating. Tomorrow, I'll blabber on about something extremely unnecessary instead of making something productive. I saw The Tree's "Let's play..."-thing and thought I might make one of those for the Beta channel while not doing anything awesome. Y'know.

How about that, by the way? Does making Ebeeto Beta into a junkpile of semi-edited crap sound like a good idea? You know; the kind of place where quality is used as a toilet brush and the atmosphere is about as awesome as the Fritzl basement (VERY awesome)?

Let's think about that while doing nothing. Also;
Free Josef Fritzl!
Free Max Hardcore!
Free blowjobs from Jessica Alba!
Freebird!

EB

Proceeding as planned...

2009-03-09T21:42:00.003+01:00

Everything seems to be proceeding at a fairly average speed going in a very linear direction towards not much. Y'know, it's regular. Everything's what it often is. No cool terrorist attacks, no awesome medicine break-throughs, no astonishing human performances and no new Ebeeto video. Everything's honky dory.

Something that's pretty messed up, though, is that I'm quitting the snus. Oh, yeah. I've realized that it's too damn expensive and I won't be able to keep up my habit of buying cocaine and a Taiwanese child prostitute every weekend like I want to. Now, after almost 5 years of snusing, giving it up can be a major bitch. So far, I've been good, but if you guys should happen to see some extremely weird shite up on here, then it's probably just one of my abstinence induced death cries that materializes in online abominations.

Also, look out for that fucking teethless guy with the bad skin and the eerie damn voice. He's in there. Out there. Inside and going. Together. He is. He will be. Go to bed.

I heard something about faith...

2009-03-05T12:39:00.003+01:00

Some guy who was considered fairly smart, said something along the lines of "Faith is the last thing that leaves the human body". I'd say the last thing would be a load of poop, since people always shit themselves when they die. I read that on Wikipedia or something...

So, just to mindfeck you poor people a bit more, I give you a wallpaper. It's not typically for your walls (even if you technically could print it out and slab it all over your living room if you really felt like it) but rather for your computer desktop. This means, you'll have to print the picture and glue it to your screen. It'll look so bad ass. Seriously!

Clickety-clack the picture for great success!

So, click the picture to see a massive version of it. This picture is not just one of the most awesome desktop backgrounds to come out in over 5 minutes, but also a tidbit of information about what's coming up. The name is still in "project" status, like the Nintendo Ultra 64, Nintendo Dolphin, Nintendo Gayrape and Nintendo Revolution.

This script marks the beginning of a new era in laziness and semi-professional masturbation. Like some crazy homeless would yell at night: "It's coming! Prepare yourself! It's coming!". This is also something that a Russian porn actor would say but in a funny accent. That's another story, though.

IN OTHER NEWS:
The forums are slowly repopulated by all the great people of the Internet. Imagine a little island in the middle of the ocean where a sister and a brother decided to get kids. And then those kids made kids. And then it took a while for their kids to realize how to make kids, but after a number of attempts they accidentally succeeded. Finally, they were all one big, happy family. The OMGWTF?! Forum is that island. What a picturesque vision. Oh, joy!

Lazy...

2009-02-27T01:45:00.003+01:00

It's been a bit too many days since the last update. I'll just put this here to keep some form of momentum. Hoo-rah!

The only thing worth mentioning is that I'm an ass and that the forums are now getting a few new faces to gently hump against. This is greatly due to The Mighty Tree of Pee who unselfishly bounced in a gang of people through his most upsetting, hateful and sickeningly disturbed video where he accused me of being Swedish and fat. I must swear myself free of these allegations. I have never heard of anything so preposterous in my life.

Now, please excuse me while I eat a smörgåsbord full of meatballs and lingon berries.

NEWS FLASH: Mr Montmorency is evil

2009-02-22T22:37:00.001+01:00

I thought there'd be nothing to write about on my much hated blog today. I've been sitting around drinking beer and playing Grand Theft Auto 4 on Xbox live, since it was free this whole week as a shitty attempt to hook people up while releasing the Biker Gang expansion thing. I thought I'd just get on the blog and say something nonsensical and hateful for the hell of it, but of course, my plans like always are destroyed. This time, by Mr Montmorency, the little tea-slurping, fish and chips up the ass sticking 12-year old shit. He made UrinatingTree release an e-drama upstirring voice-only video on YouTube where he asked people to get on the shitty OMGWTF?! forums and ask me to get off my fat meatball eating, Volvo driving, Ikea shopping, ABBA listening ass and make a video after a year of radio silence. I hate them both for it. Those pesky bastards.

What to do, what to do, I ask myself while slowly fingering my scrotum with confusion. Should I actually start trying to maybe get something at least a little bit done after so many people are semi-shit-storming? The answer of course is: Maybe.

I must say that I am impressed by some of you guys enthusiasm with a useless idiot who never gets anything done. You have hope. You have a desire and a dream. A dream which I over and over again take a piss on. I drink half a bottle of scotch, piss on it. Drink the rest of the bottle, puke all over it, piss on it again and then shit all over it. Really messy, almost water like but still kinda sticky diarrea shit. I appreciate that you don't leave me forever even though you are all clearly in an abusive relationship. I'm the fat fucker who sits on his ass and does nothing while you work hard for money that I can then spend on crack and prostitutes. Except there's not really any money involved. I fucking wish.

I won't make promises, since those are for sissies and old people, and since those always leave me an emotistical wreck of self-hatred. But if you follow me on this journey towards nothingness, maybe we will find something at the end of the tunnel, even if it is a rotting carcass of a sewer rat. Does anyone really care? Are expectations really all that high? I think not. It is an impossibility to make up for such a long disappearence from the YouTube airwaves with a single video. This cannot be done. But maybe, just maybe, I could make nice in the end.

- Can we do it? says Obama
- Yes we can! says everyone

Colonial Vendetta: Part 3

2009-02-16T17:43:00.002+01:00

Previously on Colonial Vendetta
Commander Bean and his crew were headed for the planet Konori in search of something when they were suddenly attacked by an unknown vessle, resulting in a power black out and a brain black out for Commander Bean.

Part 3

The Commander felt a slight wiggle against his foot. Something rather slimey and distasteful-feeling was crawling over his leg. He attempted to see what was going on but soon realized that his eyes were covered, hence the darkness before them. He could feel his toes being sucked into small, gooey holes and slowly pushing about them. He wasn't sure if this was pleasant or disgusting, but judging by the stiffness of his under average sized manly organ, it clearly had some pleasant attributes to it.
- C'mander? Are you there?
The always so screechy noise that is the voice of Private Cheek'n suddenly interrupted the Commanders mixed thoughts. He replied in the most tolerant and gracious way he could:
- What, you inbred tool?
The private felt a bit vocally raped by the Commander's words but quickly regained his confidence.
- I seem to have been blind folded and I am now being caressed by an unknown, squishy entity, sir!
- Private! the Commander yelled. This is no time for riddles! Just tell me the answer!
- What?
Commander Bean had always been a bit confused about what is a riddle and what is a sandwich or a smaller kind of horse. Private Cheek'ns attempt at conversation was neither of these, but at least the good Commander attempted to guess what he meant. Commander Bean could hear Private Cheek'n swallow loudly in a classic "I just made a terrifying discovery" kind of way.
- Commander... he squealed. I know what these things are. They're the...
Cheek'n made a brief pause solely for dramatic effect.
- They're the Tentacle Hentaians!

Hva gør jeg nu, lille du?

2009-02-13T00:43:00.004+01:00

The title of this post is in the language of the vikings and kinda means "What do I do now, little one". It's a reference to a song by an old band that you've never heard of. The reason for the exoticism in this day's bloggery, is a trip to Denmark, that lasted from Saturday and until about now.
The reason why this is, in any way, of any importance is that Denmark seems to be a country where the Internet is yet to be discovered. (Not really, but I didn't have any Internet connection while floating around in a pool house in the middle of nowhere outside of Fredrikshavn with a cold Carlsberg in each hand.) I was hereby not able to update my blog, nor visit the forums. I'll take a long, cold shower while crying if that makes any of you feel any better.
Of course, when you're away from the world wide web of idiocy for too long, you come back just to find a bunch of important shite lying around in your spam-cluttered inbox. A couple of urgent messages from my desperate editor-in-chief about "Hey! Who wants to review the new Chronicles of Riddick game? Anyone? Just answer my damn e-mails and I'll send you the game! Come on! Anyone?" caught my attention and made me feel like an idiot for missing out on that game. Big bullocks all of it!
Denmark is a rather pleasant country, though. It's full of beer and booze and danish people. Someone should write a book about it. From a previous visit I remember an awesome video game store with loads of sweet old games and fairly low prices that was situated in Aalborg. Does anyone know if that store's still there?
Tomorrow is the birthday of an old childhood buddy of mine. On my way back from The Land of The Pillagers and Wienerbrøds, I picked up a gang of stuff that'll be my present for him. A little Lego space guy, two small pieces of Toblerone and a 3cl miniature bottle of tequila. You could argue that he could read this and the awesome present would be spoiled, but I'm pretty confident he doesn't get close to this thing. Uh-yup.
Tomorrow, I'll give you my thoughts on global warming and what we can all do to speed it up. It's cold as greek hell over here.

Max Hardcore is now the president of The United States!

2009-02-05T14:26:00.007+01:00

MAX HARDCORE IS NOW PRESIDENT

Washington, DC You heard it here first, people! Renowned family comedy video producer Max Hardcore is officially, in our common concious mind, the president of the United States of America. In this exclusive picture, we see him swear the oath of presidency while gently stroking his genitals.

Instead of an inaugural speech, Max decided to urinate in the mouth of Sara Pailin while impaling her anal cavity with a dildo taped to a Barbie doll. He then proceeded to tea bagging former President George "Porgie" Bush and then tag-teaming Hillary Clinton together with Barack "Impaler" Obama, who will now become the Vice President and minister of interracial hardcore scenes.

This is but a success for the freedom of speech cord destroying throat f*cking!

-------------------------------

In other news, The OMGWTF?! Forums still needs backup from awesome people like YOU!

The forum needs backup!

2009-02-05T00:13:00.003+01:00

Yeah, yeah. I know this isn't the FINAL SOLUTION to make the forums prosperous. Don't bitch on me, Monty. Still, until I can actually release a video with a neat little forum ad slapped in the middle, we could use some temporary backup from faithful readers.

David, my right hand man and whipping boy since way back, is fed up with my nonchalant ways to treat the forums, my ignorance about the "fans", and me being fat. He then decided to leave. For how long, we know not (he basically said "forever", but this sh*t's like crack, bro). This was another blow to the happiness level of the forums. We need everyone's help!

Why don't you just tell friends, family and furries about the forum and make sure that at least some people who are willing to lay down a couple of posts a day get over there? It'd mean a lot to everyone involved in this sinking ship of a dead end project (that will rise to greatness later on and become an almighty, divine power).

Go to the forums, post awesome topics and make all of us a lot happier. It tends to get pretty lonely over there nowadays...

And David, y'little rascal. Don't hate me for being an ass. Embrace it. Come back if/when you feel like it and let's just play some Hitman 2D, dude.

Wallpapers, for you just my friend!

2009-02-02T18:48:00.003+01:00

I uploaded a screenshot of my desktop to the forums and got standing ovations for it (I-Rape Gaymer and Anonymous-internet-nerd said something generally positive, basically) so I thought "I like muffins!" and then decided to upload the original 1600x1200 resolution wallpaper for any mentally unstable person to clutter up their computer with. Click the thumbnail for massive awe and then some:
I checked out the rest of my home-made wallpapers, and while they might not (at all) be as mindboggingly awesome as the one above, I thought "Rake a rake? What's a rake?" and incidentally shoved those pictures up here too:
In other news, I now have some crappy Blogger "follower"-thing, which basically is subscriptions to the blog in some weird way. That's my "Personal army" over there to the right. If you feel like it, you might as well sign up for that since I now seem to be updating more often than before (knock on wood). Also, this will make you eligable to be in my platoon of outcasts when the world tumble towards a new dark age and western civilization falls. I only have 5 followers, y'guys! Shout out's to them! Way to go, you pioneers!

Colonial Vendetta: Part 2

2009-02-01T18:37:00.003+01:00

The lush surface of planet Konori filled the large window of the spaceship hull. Commander Bean had always wanted a giant screen to watch spacestuff through, but with the restricted budget he had been given, it was impossible. He simply had to make do with a big glass window. This was no regular glass, though. It was a scientifically perfected bullet-proof super glass that could withstand extreme pressure, heat and projectile damage. Right now, the glass had a little crack in the corner from a stray space bird. Commander Bean used to lie awake some nights thinking about the crack. This usually made him start thinking about crack cocaine and he sometimes sneaked down to the atom reconstructor (food machine-ish thing) and tried to make it produce a number of different narcotics. The atom reconstructor would never create such vile substances. During these encounters, the machine sometimes made laxatives for the good commander just for laughs.
- C'mander!
The voice of private Cheek'n was even more high pitched and irritating than before.
- What is it, private? asked the commander while trying to look as normal as possible even though he was repulsed by Cheek'ns undiserable facial area.
- There's an unknown shuttle headed towards us!
A little tingle went through the commander's middle-aged body as these words were spoken, but he didn't lose his well-renowned cool. He had been in intergalactic disputes before. He knew all the tricks. Suddenly, he felt the impact of a laser beam hitting the ship, and the lights went out.

Colonial Vendetta: Part 1

2009-01-29T18:12:00.003+01:00

Colonial Vendetta
Commander Bean stared out at the myriad of stars that decorated the pitch black night sky that night. He was sure this night would be the night to remember; the night when history would be rewritten. This particular night was extremely dark and the Commander wouldn't be able to tell this night from the used-up filter on his 80's coffee maker, if it wasn't for the stars.
- Night night night, Commander Bean said to himself while slowly stroking his penile area. I like that word, and especially like overusing it.
He calmly removed his hand from his scrotum only to realize that he'd rather want it to stay there and equally calmly put it right back. He fingered his almost hardened penis while closing his eyes, listening to the sound of nothingness and slowly dozing off...
- C'mander! C'mander!
The Commander's sleep was suddenly iterrupted by a squeaking voice. He came to his senses and decided to respond.
- What?! he screamed with the voice of a late blooming 14-year old.
- Sir! I just wanted to inform you that we're now in communication distance to the planet Konori.
He who said this was private Cheek'n, a planet Polyo-14 native whom Commander Bean had picked up during a fateful "rape and steal" raid on said planet. The commander looked tired and a bit hung over, but he decided to acknowledge the presence of private Cheek'n and said something that was very hard to hear, yet appearently aggressive.

They were going to land on the planet Konori, and hopefully they would find what they were looking for...

Getting my e-life back on track...

2009-01-22T23:12:00.005+01:00

This Internet-thing's been a fat, smelly bitch for me for too long. I've had blogs dying, comments not responded to and everything generally lacking all the greatness that should have been. For this, I am deeply sorry.

I have to get shit straight here. I've been forced by fascist girls at school to get a Facebook account, and I feel that it's time to organize stuff better and actually get a real structure in my life on- and offline.

This year started off pretty crappy, though. On New Year's Eve, I had one (or three) too many glasses of scotch and fell on my ass a couple of times. Good times were had, though. The problem became clear to me the next day, when my left hand was considerably fatter than my fat right hand. It was also a source of pretty bad pain when I tried to move it. I decided to ignore it but playing video games was out of the question, and you know that you've got a problem when you can't even play Lego Indiana Jones.

After a couple of hours at the ER, it was established that I had a fracture in the lowest bone in the thumb (y'know, that longest one that's kind of inside the hand...). Some hot nurse taped me up with a massive cast and lots of bandages and I was off. This made holding a 360 controller impossible, and playing with the WASD-setup on a keyboard really hard (I kept hitting space and jumping around like an idiot when I didn't want to). I also couldn't type properly, so I had to use one hand and typing a sentence took forever.

Just yesterday, I took the cast off, and my thumb is now a little hurting and old man-looking. I've scheduled a training session for saturday where I will play Saint's Row 2 and drink scotch (moderately) in order to soften up the old bugger.

School's also started and now I'm "studying" creative stuff like photography, filming and sound editing. This creates a natural bond between my free-time and school and will probably result in something (good or bad, I don't know).

Tomorrow morning, I'm catching a train for Stockholm, where I'll hang out with the other editors of Swedish PCGamer magazine (that I've started writing for). Hopefully, this will result in happiness and general funny. I've also got a blog there in Swedish for anyone who cares. This will be the other blog that I write in. I think that should work; one in English, one in Swedish.

UrinatingTree is not back, and probably (most certainly) hammered to death in a ditch in Ukraine, but now there's this other (extremely utter-completely unrelated) guy reviewing shit on YouTube. His name's DSchlasser and he'll definitely outshine that asshole peetree.

Now, I must get everything together and start having momentum. Ofcourse, I've said this at least 5 times before, but this I'm definitely lying. Haha. No. I made a funny...

I read some comments!

2008-12-08T20:27:00.002+01:00

I really did!

What the heck? Have I got a blog?

2008-10-25T14:19:00.002+02:00

Is this blog still here? Are there any people here still? Hello? Anyone?

Drats, I've really been slacking off. To the extreme... Like... Wow... Almost a year since the last video? Just... Wow...

Now, though, it seems like YouTube decided to go all international on another level and I'm now the most subscribed in Sweden. That's awesome! Makes me feel guilty, though...

But hey, this time I've got a legit reason for not giving a shit about my "fan"-base. I've been writing a couple of pages for Swedish PC Gamer magazine. Yeah, that's right! I feel so serious and professional all of a sudden. It's still pretty ass that I haven't done any video work in a year. But I know that you guys enjoy reading about me being not-productive about as much as you enjoy being raped and killed, so let's just skip that.

Could I actually make a Hitman video now? Sure, "pleasing the fans" and all that bull, but after a year-long absence, I probably need something special to say "I'm sorry"... I don't even remember what the hell the last episode ended with... Oh, wasn't it that inane cop who didn't want to let 47 in the club without a costume. That must've been it, right?

Should I make a new episode? Most subscribers have stayed, patiently waiting for a sequel... Should I let them down? It could be fun. Fun in a really sadistic, evil way. Well, I now have a whole freakin' week free from school ahead of me, so I could atleast have the courtesy to update the channel design... No, sorry. Not that. I could make a video.

I could just slap the Assassin's Creed rant together, but it also feels like it's a tad too late. Do I care? No. I wanna thank everyone who's uploaded game footage so far. I enjoy you guys like I enjoy a warm blanket and a 2-hour jackoff session. I'll make the Assassin's Creed thing happen, even though it's not very breaking news anymore.

So, I saw that some more people have commented the last post. I won't read them. I'm too scared... Haha! If you wrote something mean there, you just got SERVED! Comment here instead, you hater.

HUZZAH!
EB

GTA4 and it's many flaws...

2008-09-15T11:31:00.002+02:00

I'm posting during class! I feel like such a vandal.

While I'm at it, I might aswell make a quick list of irritating crap (that Internet dwellers have been whining about for months already) in Grand Theft Auto 4 (that I've now played through twice):

- Linear mission design
Drive here, kill him, drive back, pick something up, kill 10 suited dudes. Every now and then there are not-so-linear missions with fairly innovative gameplay. During these missions, I got this weird feeling in my stomach and it turned out it wasn't the kebab pizza I had for breakfast but rather the sensation of something called "fun"...
- Fascist police
Sure, the cops are easy to outrun, but I expect to be able to smack random people in the back of the head with a baseball bat for ten minutes without being shot to death. This is GTA, right?
- Is this GTA?
The happy-go-lucky maiming of random people has been replaced with a semi-emo maiming of random people. I do, in fact enjoy the more dark setting, but some stuff (like the ending) feels a bit too much. Also, I don't want to sit around whining about my mother while boning a prostitute in a run-down car behind a burger restaurant.
- Clothing's gone...
What the hey, man? I wanna wear a hot dog hat, tie-dye shirt and clown shoes while rocket launching police cars. I can choose between brown sweater, brown knitted shirt, black jacket and brown-black jacket. Thanks.
- Pimp my R... No...
Why can't I customize the cars? Sure, all you do is crash the million dollar sport cars into a horde of homeless people, but I want the possibility of customization to be there. Why can't I put giant rims on my ice cream truck and paint my awesome bike pink? The absence of car customization brings me to the next point:
- Car wash
Which inbred Rockstar janitor decided to pitch this ass idea, and which equally inbred idiot decided that the idea was good? Did you ever wash a car in the game? I think I did once, on one of the diverse and innovative missions...

Don't fill me in. I know there's a buttload of more bollocks to get all cerebral palsy'd out about, but right now I gotta pretend to be working really hard.

PS. My extremely homosexual pretend-friend classmate person Oscar is caressing my upper arms and fantasizes about eating my hairy balls over and over for 3 hours. DS.

Back to school, and a little contributor competition!

2008-08-27T16:41:00.004+02:00

You love this generic ClipArt, don't you? I've just gone back to school, studying nature science and math! Now, you might be thinking "Balls! This means he'll be even less prone to make a video." but this is utterly wrong.

I have evaluated myself and come to the conclusion that if there's something I need to do (for example a school project or other homework stuff) I'll start doing stuff that I don't need to (for example a tourette-esque video). When the school projects start piling up, you can be damn sure I'll be sitting around doing something completely different, such as screaming into my half-broken mic and acting moronic.

Now, through the ups and downs of this blog, I have understood that making any kind of promises only results in cock and balls, which is undesirable. This is not a promise of anything to come, since those will only be let down like a fat lady jumping of a cliff.

Another piece of good news, people: I have successfully used Sony Vegas for a couple of hours without a single crash. It's like voodoo magic up in this female dog! I have actually tried out some sweet visual effects which I'll showcase on the Beta channel real soon.

I think a good thing to do would be to get the Gawd damn Assassin's Creed thing done. It won't take long if I just start it, and this is where YOU come in! Yes, YOU, with capital letters and a lot of balls.

For some reason, there's always something concerning my computer that simply doesn't work. When it's not sound lag, it's program crashes and when it's not program crashes, it's tiny mole people jumping out of the USB sockets and stealing my mouse pad. Right now, what's not working is Fraps. Y'know, the all mighty program to capture computer game footage with.

I need YOUR help now. I know I have let you down in the past and I know a lot of you guys hate me for being a fat, lazy, antisocial slob with a masturbation average of 2,3 times a day, but please hear me out.

What I want is Assassin's Creed footage. So, if you have a sweet computer and a way of recording games played on it, or if you have some rich kid-friend who fits the description, please capture some footage. If I do it myself, I would most certainly end up spending hour after hour trying to make Fraps work and then ending up destroying the computer in the process. The sweetest way would be for you guys to help me with it! Ofcourse, there'll be a mighty sweet reward for anyone who manages to bring me killer footage.

So, let's announce a little semi-competition:

Hmm... That picture might be overdoing it a little, but so be it... It's simple, really:
- Listen to the Assassin's Creed Rant Beta-thingamabob on the Ebeeto Beta Channel
This is to make sure you know, to some extent, what stuff should be in the video (lots of rooftop jumping and haystack hiding, please)

- Capture video
Do it however you want, but try to make sure there is no annoying "SHAREWARE VERSION"-splash text on the video.

- Upload to YouTube
The easiest way to share this video is probably to upload it on YouTube. Preferably with some appropriate name containing the words Assassins, Creed and Ebeeto. This way I'll find it. You could also comment on the Beta channel with the URL.

- Don't steal someone else's footage!
If you rip off some Gamespot review and try to pass it off as your own, Gawd will kill a kitten and everyone you love.

There it is! As soon as I get my hands on some neat footage, I'll slap the video together and it's back on track for me again (hopefully for a long time forward).

Gayly yours,
Ebeeto

PS. If you want Hitman, stfu n wait or u ghey lol DS.

PSS. Get over to the OMGWTF?! Forums! They're thriving! All cleaned up and super sweet, they're ready to be filled with dumb posts about animals and Oblivion graphic issues. Go go go! DS.

a update lol

2008-08-08T02:03:00.000+02:00

this is update lol

i heard on intrawebs that kody from canada is a little gaylordz! Add Kodyis2cool on Xbox LIVE! He's the guy that makes me never release a video! Add him and scream racial slurs and profanities to him in chat, please.

UrinatingTree is totally found, and now you all should vote!

2008-07-09T16:36:00.005+02:00

NOTE: Right now, Blogger is being a whiny betch and I can't seem to add a poll right now. Just say something constructive in the comments for the video!

I have been informed that UrinatingTree is going through some kind of disoriented, bi-curious state in his life and decided to delete fucking everything for the sake of his mental well being. I can only reply to this turn of events with a "God speed!" from the bottom of my heart. I'm fairly sure our fabulous friend won't be gone for too long, since he has "left" "YouTube" "before" and he just like, totally, like, came back, like "woah!"...

So. Why am I now demanding your all the more disappearing attention? Is it because I need to vent my heart's content? Is it because I gave birth to a magical dragon and need a baby daddy for it? Maybe, because I just wet myself and needs someone to slowly suck my soiled sweatpants dry? Oh, no. You couldn't be more wrong!

No... What I want you to do, is WATCH and VOTE. Two important little words meaning that you must sit through a number of minutes of asswrenching crap and then click an alternative to the right of this message. Doesn't it sound exciting and wonderful, like a bag full of bags on a hot winter day?

Instead of continuing this mouth-diarreah, I will give you this most important link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yLuq0Or9PI

Click it, and follow the instructions! I won't threaten you with a long, bad spanking if you don't click it, but something bad might actually happen! If you don't click the link and then vote, don't come crying to me when your pets start dying tomorrow and your girl/boyfriend leaves you for a furryman! Oh, no.

So... Go watch the video and vote for it's future!

And UT, if you're reading this... God speed, kamrat!

A half-witted return!

2008-07-01T01:15:00.002+02:00

As you probably have noticed, I clogged up the steady stream of AMV's and camwhore bonanzas on YouTube a moment ago, by releasing a "new" "video". It's not really anything that deserves to be called a "new video", but it was something.

UrinatingTree's sudden disappearence is a tragic event for us all. Imagine a Hong Kong action flick, for example. UrinatingTree feels like my half-immortal master that taught me the artful art of kung-fu. His demise strikes the hero like a punch in his soul and he sets out for revenge.

UT never really was my sensei in the classic manner, but he damn sure inspired me. The inspiration was so great that I ripped him the hell off with the Yogi review. Aw, the glorious times.

I want everyone to understand the importance of UT's existence. You must all set out on a pilgrimage to find our missing-in-action soldier. The YouTube "community" (damn, I hate that phrase) has lost too many video game reviewers already. Don't let UT get away just like that.

Get ready for the INTERNET DRAMA! Tree! If you're reading this; nobody demands of you to make a new video, nobody will kill you if you decide that inane video making on the Internet is a waste of time, but for the love of any eventual holy items in the world, don't just "delete fucking everything" and disappear!

GWAH!

Holy chopsticks on a gloomy evening in Prague, little buddy!

2008-04-22T13:14:00.002+02:00

Sacred sarcophagus of old man McDonald! Has it been this long? No new videos is one thing, but not even any balls-to-the-wall blog posts? That's crappy! I'll immediately find out who's in charge of this blog thing and make them suffer for not updating. There'll be Chinese water torture, Days of Our Lives-TV-marathon torture and the usual god fearing all-American CIA torture (y'know, the one that the Bush administrations refuse to put a stop to, since it's important to torture random Arabs for no reason whatsoever)

Let's update this bitch, then!

I've been up to a load of stuff recently, all of them more unimportant and stupid than the last. I guess it would be fitting to bring out the ol' "List of Stuff" and briefly summarize:

- Trying to tidy the house
Over and over again, I've made some failalicious attempts at tidying up in my living space and change the decor from "Condemned Crack Spot" to "Laid Back Bachelors Pad" but my semi-ADHD makes sure I end up sorting video games and DVDs in alphabetic order instead of actually taking care of the cancerlumps of stuff that clogs my floor, couch, bed and/or any other open space. I try to get a pile of crap out of the way, by simply picking it up, not knowing where to put it, sporadically putting it on my bed for later relocating, ending up playing some years old computer game instead of doing anything useful and when it's time to go to bed, I just move the pile of stuff back to it's original position. Rinse, repeat and give up.

- Been to the Swedish Idol auditions
Hey, don't get it "twisted" as the kids say. I wasn't actually singing, I was there with a buddy who has a great voice and plays some sweet guitar. He wasn't good enough, though. Before you meet the stuck up TV judges, you have to go through a gang of shitty judges consisting of women who seperate the great and mentally challenged from the mediocre. In order to see the real jury, you either have to be really good, or really bad, since that's what boosts the amount of viewers. My friend was neither and was asked to go home and sob after standing outside the building for about 9 hours with nothing to eat, and nowhere to piss. I therefore have a great tip for any and all of you who have a good singing voice and will ever attempt to be in the dumb-down freakshow singing TV contest of you choice, sometime in the future.
When you get to the first, unimportant judges, make a complete fuck-ass of yourself. "Sing" like a deaf guy on acid and dance around like you're having a seizure. You will then go through to the real judges, and that's when you do your best and hope for them to not tell you to fuck off. Simple plan, just like that crappy emo band. Try it and don't forget to give me credit for your success.

- Ordered a gang of stuff from Hong Kong
I suppose it's a definite sign of lifeless geekiness when you spend unreasonable amounts of money to import Japanese toys and action figures. A 2.5 kg box containing some really sweet Nippon plastic is on the way over here to grace my shelves and make me feel important. I originally ordered a Zangief action figure among the rest of the stuff, but the release date kept getting post-poned so I gave up and decided on a talking Lara Croft figure and a Mario plushie instead. The dollar is so useless nowadays that it's time to order some really stupid shit off the internet right now! Go on people! Exploit those poor bastards! I remember when a US dollar was 12 Swedish crowns. Now it's under 6, which makes import of anything you pay for with dollars a great deal.

- Going back to school
Not in the "tell overactive little shits to shut up" sense, but rather the "get an education" one. I'm not sure about how much of an education it's gonna be, but I will surely feel intellectual walking around with a laptop in one of those fancy bags. First off, I need a laptop, though... And I need to actually apply for a spot at the school. It's called Nordiska Folkhögskolan and it's a Folkhögskola... Um... It's something in between High School and College, I think. Most people don't go to one, but I thought it would be nice. It's also a Scandinavian school, which has students from Sweden, Denmark, Norway, Finland and Iceland. It sure sounds pretty sweet.

- Not making videos
As you can probably tell, there are no new videos. I could start yapping away with shitty excuses why, but it doesn't seem appropriate.

Woah! What a list, huh? Make sure you don't miss out on all the sweet stuff the omnipotent Internet has to offer, apart from my blog and non-existent videos. There's a whole world of shit out there to discover! Get a move on!

Reporting back soon, Cap'n Cock Cruncher!

Remember, remember, the fifth of April... (That didn't rhyme...)

2008-04-07T00:03:00.004+02:00

The forum has been throughly molested by an evil nazi person by the despicable name of Hans. What happened was that:
- Hans, a shitty nazi in denial, signed up on OMGWTF?!
- Someone (I believe it was David) thought it was a good idea to make him an admin (No offense, David)
- He was demoted to a global mod, since he was a shitfucker and we had a spring cleaning on the forums.
- Hans got mad.
- I called Hans a nazi.
- Hans didn't like it.
- Time passed.
- KonkelBaer called Hans a nazi.
- Hans got bored and/or offended and decided to delete every single post on the forum aswell as suspending everyone and finally sit in his broken home household, sniffing a faded WunderBaum, desperately masturbating while listening to German march songs anno 1933 and crying...
- Everybody wept.
- The guys at InvisionFree were being total pussies and decided that forum restoration was possible, but would take about 2000 years.
- We all decided that nobody wants to wait for 2000 years, and started to repopulate the forum with shitty spam threads and death.
- People of the forum rejoiced and invented a fight song that nobody has ever heard of and/or invented.
- The main admins (David and Konkel) lost faith in humanity and promised to every possible divine power that they would never let anyone become a global mod or an admin ever again.

This has led us to reinforce the strict policy to not let any national socialists on the forum. I can't stress that issue enough. Nazis, neo-nazis, The One-nazis, nu-nazis, half-nazis, Naser-nazis, Hitler offsprings and nazinazis. None of them are welcome on the forums. Anyone who even mentions plans of any form of slaughter of any jews, gypsies, handicapped, homosexuals and/or black people will be IP banned and recieve a violent, digital kick in the nuts by Judge "Konkel" Dredd, David "Failvid" Davidsson, Erik "That guy" Bergérus, Urinating "The Tree" Tree and/or any other admin/mod person.

If you feel up to repopulating the forum together with the unspeakably handsome and nice people of OMGWTF?! (just like the nazis would repopulate earth with blonde, blue eyed, muscular-built people if they had won the war, which they did not), please jump over to the forums and go crazy*!

GO TO THE FORUMS

*Going crazy does not mean "Start spamming like you've never spammed before and call people names"

Let's do this together! ¡Viva la reconstrucción!

PS. Communists, muslim fundamentalists and some forms of scientologists are still more than welcome! DS.

PSS. The Jesus lovers can fuck off, though... DS.

Hey! No new blog posts!

2008-04-03T23:45:00.004+02:00

Nope. No interesting, thought provoking, intellectual writing today (much like the other 94 posts up on here...)

Woah. I'll be able to throw a 100-post party soon! Yay! And, sometime soon, I'll also have 9000 subscribers on YT, for whatever odd reason. Sure, people who haven't seen the stuff 'til recently subscribe, but... I thought most people never subscribed to "channels" that didn't have enough frequently updates. 4 months is a shitload of time, really...

But hey! That blubbering bastard UrinatingTree haven't put up any new videos for a month. I'm gonna tell my mom!

So, anyhoo. I'll write something very interesting and funny tomorrow. For now, let me just open up MSPaint and draw something for you guys:

Holy apes! It's what E.T. would look like if Spielberg was psychotic and deluded... Let me just give that picture a little tune up in PSP9...

*Tuning up*

Oh, that's so pretty. Look at that guy before you go to sleep and you'll most certainly have pleasant dreams...

G'night, trooper!

My computer is stolen!

2008-04-01T14:27:00.002+02:00

I got my new microphone cable today. But it's not really worth anything, since now my computer is gone. Someone broke into the house during the night and got away with the computer and a bunch of other stuff.

Nah, fuckit. April's fools, haha. Real fun. I've already done my fair share of April's Fools shenanigans, since I called a Swedish politician (Göran Greider) and asked, on behalf of a fictive internet publication, what his favourite spring color is... Yay.

Konkel also asked me to call his boss and tell him that the car he had ordered was delayed and pink, but that bastard boss messed it up by being reasonable and asking for ordernumbers and stuff. It was kinda hard to be convincing when all I knew was that the car he wanted was a Volvo. Um. His boss sucks...

Fuck it. I got my microphone cable today. Kabelgiganten.se works really fast (atleast this time), and now the only thing that stands in the way of me recording stuff is that little mischievous clicking noise. It could be my sound card, since I bent the whole metallic thing that keeps it in place. Y'know, the front part of the card that shows through the PCI port in the back, but I think it's software related. It's always software, even if you put the whole computer under water after you put it on fire. It's always that damn software, and always that damn sound driver...

Make sure you do some weird phone calls now that it's April 1st and stuff. Go, my children! Go! Spread the randomness!

Poets of The Fall - Revolution Roulette

2008-03-31T19:45:00.002+02:00

Mahaa!

Just thought I'd get myself some "shitty generic blog"-points by talking about music I like! Yay!

So, Finnish soft rock band Poets of The Fall released a new album last week. They're the guys who are all, like, super big in Finland while the rest of the world goes "meh" because those paska vittu-bastards just won't market their awesome music outside their home country.

Us PC game playing people might know them from Max Payne 2, where they did the ending credits song "Late Goodbye" which was a great, slow moody rock song and a smash hit in Finland.

I don't know where I'm going with this, except "listen to them, damnit!" and read my Uncyclopedia page about them if you want some crappy random humor about Moomins and gay sex.

ON OTHER MATTERS: I've ordered a new cable for my microphone and hopefully it'll arrive this week (if not, I'll molotov cocktail Kabelgiganten.se's office building)

Tally hoo!

Oh, and another thing...

2008-03-30T17:43:00.002+02:00

I have to say that I'm deeply hurt and offended by your witty and devastating comments. You tell me I'm fat, lazy Swede who doesn't get any videos done. It's really hurting my feelings and I will probably have to go to counseling for years to come.

No, I'm not.

I'll let the "Angry Video Game Fag"-part of me loose for a bit:

Fat and lazy are obvious things that are kind of easy to spot. Telling me that I'm fat is like telling a guy with cerebral palsy that he speaks weird or trying to convince a black guy that he's black. It's not very productive and nobody really cares.

About the "Swede" thing. What are you trying to do here? Attack my nationality? In whatever baltic country you had the misfortune of not being aborted in, you might actually be patriotic. You hold your flags up high and are very proud about your child prostitutes, useless economy and the fact that you won some crappy war against some other equally crappy nation a hundred years ago. I don't. I don't take pride in being born in Sweden. I'm just lucky that I am. Instead of growing up on non-existent wel-fare in a huge concrete cube of apartments while being beaten by my dad every night and forced to take on manual labour at the age of 12 because the education system fails. I'm very sorry that all you have to be proud about is trafficking and a long history of fascist dictatorship.

You also tried to make "fun" (or something) of me buying a new computer but still not releasing videos. Telling me I wasted money. I'm really not wasting money while sitting here playing Crysis on High Detail and laughing at the 800mHz box of crap that was all your mother could afford after working three jobs for 5 years.

The people who flame up on here are so dastardly clever and witty. You guys really own me with your smart comments and devastating words. Holy fuck, I really need to go cry now.

By trying to insult you guys like this, I have officially sunk down to your level, which is a bad thing, but I don't really care...

Anyway, I have activated comments again, but you can only comment if you have a Google or OpenID account, which means I can trace you down and fuck you up if you spam the comment section. Oh, and you also need to type some verification word so you won't spam worse than that Python skit.

RAH RAH!

EDIT: I'm not going to go "Hurray!" just yet, but I think I've managed to get rid of the progressive latency in recordings, and got MicBoost to work (atleast somewhat). Atleast enough for it to not be heard. That's a huge leap forward. But now, the sound insists on sounding muffled and it's got some quirky "tick!"'s going on whenever I say anything into the mic... I'll investigate further...

Thanks so much!

2008-03-30T16:08:00.002+02:00

Thanks a lot for your help, guys! [sic]

So, I've disabled comments (not really disabled, but I've activated some "Only members of this blog can comment"-thing and also activated an "Accept comments before they're posted"-thing, and the accept messages are sent to support@microsoft.com, so yeah...)

My soundcard and/or drivers are not doing what I want them to and if you think that's a lame excuse, go ahead and keep believing that (kinda like you believe your parents doesn't hate you and that you will get a decent job in the future)

We'll see what happens with upcoming videos. I hope to get something out there, but a lot of you guys are not helping (ie. the poor people who keep flaming me in the comments). If you want to get in touch with me to help me with the sound problems or just to tell me anything, I'll be over at the forums, where the almighty mods can ban your incestmolested asses if you keep flaming.

So, there. Let's hope the next blog post will be a happy one. Yeehaw!

Micboost?

2008-03-27T02:52:00.003+01:00

Does anyone have any good tips regarding how to get micboost to work properly on an onboard sound card? The Realtek HD Audio drivers leave me with no "micboost" option, and no "Advanced" button whatsoever on the sound mixer.

2008-03-23T22:08:00.005+01:00

From what I understand, my "The Internet" video was exactly what everyone wanted to see after 4 months of absence from the YooToobz. Just some imaginary quotes about the videos:

"Epic!"

"Far better than the Hitman videos"

"So good, it hurts!"

Since all of you loved the video so much, I'd now like to take you behind the scenes in the short article:
---------------------------------

Ebeeto has just concluded the long 3 minutes of work on his latest masterpiece The Internet. We meet him outside his home in the woods. "Some people think making a video is like eating a piece of cake while walking in the park." he says while sipping on a cup of coffee. "But it's more like eating a park while taking a walk in a cake, which is near to impossible!"
Ebeeto says he got the idea to the video while being on the phone with his friend and partner in crime, KonkelBaer. They were having an endlessly boring and brain cell destroying conversation about the hate that he's recieving through his blog.
"In a weird way that I can only describe as pure Voodoo magic, I got this idea in my head. It was an idea to one of the lamest and most painful videos to ever grace the Internet. Kinda like The IrateGamer, except it took more effort."
Ebeeto continues to describe the actual work on the video that failed:
"First, I ripped out MSPaint and jotted something stupid with the black pencil. I then saved it and added the word Fail. Saved as a new file. That was all the rough work done. Now, I had to make sure I got the soundtrack right. At first, I was thinking about spending hours on a script that was kinda fun and made sense, but that thought swiftly escaped my undermaintenanced brain like a drug addict would escape from rehab if they had that jetpack that that guy had in that there movie Rocketeer had. Damn, that movie sucked ass, by the way... Timothy Dalton... That guy was a fucking joke. He only did like, two Bond movies too... What a douche..."
At this point, I wasn't sure if Ebeeto was awake or asleep since he was staring blindly into the great beyond and wasn't moving apart from his mouth. I gently poked him with a stick I found nearby and he continued his explanation of the video process.
"The soundtrack was done, so I pasted it all together in Movie Maker and uploaded it the next minute. All in all, I guess I spent about 3 minutes on the video. Those 3 minutes were the worst in my life. I could start talking about all the sex, drugs and alcohol that was involved, but I'm keeping that good stuff for E! True Hollywood Story. They're coming around in half an hour."
Ebeeto emptied his coffee cup in an Ace Attorney-Godot kind of fashion and went back into his house, leaving me outside in the cold wondering where I was and why I felt so dirty.
-----------------------------------------
This article is to be published in newspapers worldwide and the story will have a follow-up on both BBC Europe, Fox, CNN, Cartoon Network and The Weather Channel on Nintendo Wii.

If you were disappointed with the video "The Internet", you have nobody to blame but Jesus. That self-righteous douche. He's such a diva. I saw his "I'm God's son, bitches" video on YouTube and I know it's all propaganda and lies.

Let's get this traveling gypsy freakshow train back on track and keep those generic comments coming, guys! I love showering in your pseudo-hate and teen angst!

EB

DISCLAIMER: If you still haven't understood it yet, the "The Internet" video was an ironic response to the never-ending flow of comments telling me to make a video. The video was in no way, shape or form intended to be good entertainment. If you enjoyed the video, I don't hate you but you obvously have low standards. If you saw the point of me making it as a stick up the butt to all the people who tell me I'm a fat, lazy inbred, then you got the point and you'll probably get a decent job later in life, if you haven't already got one. If you went all "4 months for THAT?" you're obviously missing the point and you need more parental love, more education, less drugs and a bath.

New video!

2008-03-21T13:56:00.004+01:00

Yes! All your hard work whining and insulting me has finally paid off!

Watch now!

EDIT: If you fail to see the irony, you are officially an old person. Which in this case is a bad thing. If you don't like the video, I pity you. I mean, seriously... Like, damn...

Experiment status: FAILED

2008-03-13T19:41:00.003+01:00

Ok, so I've been gone from the blog for a week.

My fears came true. The blog was squirted with commentary stupid worse than a trailerpark hooker on a particularly good day. Once again, I realize how I love my "fan"-base.

But in all honesty, I'm pretty sure a majority of you people out there are fairly intelligent. The supertards are easier to spot since they spam, whine and bitch. It's like a school class consisting of 30 students. If one of them brings a gun on a cloudy monday and kills off 14 people, there's no doubt he is the one people notice.

That's one school-shooting reference too many, so let's forget about this and move on...

Of course, I won't read any of the 230 comments on the latest post because of obvious reasons. If you happen to not understand why, then you're probably the abused little boy that put them there, so I won't explain...

In order to not gain any more hateful Internet-hate from haters all over the skullfucked hater extraordinaireistic earth, I'll not even mention how any video work is going. Hah.

Over to other matters... The forum. Me and Konkel have decided to rape it this evening. By "rape" I mean "make better". This also applies to Paris Hilton, since I believe she would be a much better person if someone had just molested the hell out of her when she was a kid.

That's one rape joke too many, so let's forget about this and move on...

Oh yeah, I also made that Super-human FAIL-picture up there in 1600x1200 pix so if anyone wants to use it for a desktop wallpaper as a remainder of anything, feel free to do so.

Haypie!

Let's try this...

2008-03-06T02:46:00.003+01:00

If you want someone to do something for you, is it the most strategic thing to do to scream at them and call them fat assholes? It could be if you're a nazi or slave owner, but when the person you are trying to convince into creativeness and production isn't a slave, circus monkey or trafficking victim, is it really the right thing to do?

The production flow is actually effected by blog comments such as "get a fucking move on you lard assed motherfucker!!", but not in a very positive way...

Why in the name of Rataxes (y'know that rhino king from Babar) would I work harder to satisfy people who wants me to die? Are lazy attempts at personal attacks and general death threats a way to encourage someone to work harder? Am I missing something or is it a cultural thing?

Because of this whole weird situation, I'm going to conduct a little experiment... Right now, it's long after bed-time over here, and I will soon go to bed while hoping for dreams about finished videos and ignorant comment posters getting raped. Let's try and see if you all can work together and make sure no "ignorant rambling comments" get into the comment list. By "ignorant rambling", I mean stuff that entirely revolve around how fat/lazy/stupid I am and why I should suck fat cocks and die. Could we try and evade those comments? For the sake of creativity and production.

If you want to say:
"you let us all down you fat fuck. i hope your happy you slow inbred assfucker! get aids and die!!!!"
then you might aswell tone it down a bit, take a deep breath and instead write:
"I'm a little disappointed that I still don't see a video, but I hope it will be out soon. In the meantime I'll read your half-funny blog and try to survive."

Even if it doesn't feel right, try to relax a little and not constantly go tourette's on me.

I hope this works.

EB

PS. Anyone who submits that exact example of a bad comment as a comment deserves to be a full-time comedian for his wit and innovation. ^_- DS.

PSS. If this post sounds dull and boring, it's because it's 3AM and I feel half past dead in the head DS.

XJ-K59

2008-03-05T15:48:00.002+01:00

That title could be referring to something really spectacular, like a huge helicopter of some sort or an international project ran by the Illuminati with the purpose of enslaving mankind. It's not, though... It's just nonsense letters and numbers...

I just wanted to apologize for the tremendous ugly that's spread across this hellhole of a blog. I started fiddling around with templates and layouts but when I realized that some fairly important graphic files were on a harddrive laying around somewhere else, I just went ahead and forgot all about it, like I tend to do...

I wanted to overhaul the design on the blog and YouTube site, but it didn't work.

Yeah, yeah. "Stop bitchin' around with unimportant graphic design when you could be making a video." I know. I know, oh so well...

Let's get to doing something. Tally-ho!

EB

The Note

2008-03-03T23:28:00.002+01:00

Oh, holy crackspots! Someone placed a big, ugly GIF-image right up there and named the blog post something conveniently weird and high-profile to make people think it was important. Awesome job, someone!

So, as you can probably tell, I'm tired out of my petty mind over here and would like to hit the sack now, if that's OK with you. (If it's not OK with you, it doesn't help to scream "No!" right now. It works kinda the same as those children's learning shows on TV like Dora the Explorer and Mickey's Club House. It always bothers me that no matter how loud I scream "NO!" when Dora asks if I've seen Swiper, it's like she magically knows where he is and then pretends that I screamed "YES!" and pointed at the fox hiding behind a tree... Freakin' Nickelodeon and their mind reading software... Hey! I just realized that the text in this paranthesis is longer than the rest of the post put together. It's kinda gangsta and metal at the same time... Like a black gang member in leather and a gay halloween mask.)

Hooray for you!
Ebeeto - Soon at 8000 subscribers, with minimal effort ^.^

Progress and Super Mario Galaxy-WTF's

2008-02-29T00:16:00.005+01:00

It's always with a heavy heart and a bad feeling in my massive gut that I announce that I've made something. I feel like Peter Molyneux (y'know that Black and White/Fable-guy) when he tells the gaming press that his new game will be better than all games ever released but then end up as a so-so half-enjoyable game with lots of repetition and dwarves in it. What I wanted to tell you is that I have actually gotten some video work done.

Well, "video work" is a bit of an overstatement. What I've done is recorded some clips from an unnamed game and written about 3 minutes of script. It's a pretty damn awesome script, though, since it includes jokes about hentai, nazism and pot noodles. According to certified scientists, these ingredients are necessary in the making of successfull lulz.

To make sure I don't go too 4chan on you and become nauseating, I'll continue without using the words "lulz", "cancer" or "aids" from here on.

So, what does it really mean when i announce the completion of a partial script that might actually become a video in the end? Practically nothing, actually, since you can never be sure that I've done anything until you see that new video up there on the almighty YouTube in all it's glory. When will that be? When will you see it? Will it ever be seen? Could Super Mario Galaxy get any more repetitive than it already is? Questions we will never know the answer to, until a later point in time where dragons fly and pigs have miniguns (just like in that weird dream you had when you were nine).

Speaking of Super Mario Galaxy... I have actually 242-starred that damn game. It took some blood shed, it took a lot of sweat (which isn't really hard for me to produce since I'm all fat and stuff) but finally, I got to the ending. Which was something of a let down... I mean... I beat the last boss four times (which, if you didn't know, is necessary in order to complete the game), played all the stars on all the levels at least twice and wasted numerous hours doing it. And in the end, I get a crappy picture sent to my Wii messageboard with the message "Thanks for playing!". I don't want to go all IrateGamer here and whine about irrelevant BS, but seriously... Was the game designed exclusively for Koreans? Who decided that beating the game twice, and having to beat the final level four times was a good idea?

The game recieved GameSpots Game Of The Year 2007 award, which it is partially worthy of, but there are things that I just can't get through my massively hairy skull. Why were there two Luigis? Why is the universe reborn every time you save Peach? Why did they take a huge shortcut on the way to make the game longer by including the whole "play the game twice"-thing. It's the most vile and grandmother molesting thing any game developer has ever done. Even worse than the Escape from Monkey Island monkey battling-thing that most of you probably don't even have the slighest idea about but must believe me when I tell you that it vacuumed numerous scrotums and deserved to die.

I felt a bit raped after playing SMG. Not to the extent where it had me sitting in the shower, trying to scrub the shame away, but almost. Therefore I have compiled a small list of things that Shigeru Miyamoto and his Yakuza should think about until the next Mario game:

There is only ONE Luigi. If you were raised entirely on anime and manga, you might think that a duplicate version of the protagonist isn't weird, but the rest of the world have standards. (This is not a racist remark, mind you)

Playing through a game a second time is something people do for fun and nostalgia and nothing you should be forced to do.

Fire Mario shouldn't be timed, since he wasn't in SMB and SMB is the definition of awesome.

Princess-saving still works as a plot line, but Mario should get some action for his hard work. If you will, at least include some upskirt shots or sideboobs next time.

Bowser is not entirely Mario's little whipping bitch and shouldn't be beaten in less than 2 minutes. When a final boss is too hard, it's pretty aids, but when a final boss is way too fucking easy, it's cancer and aids and fail and anti-lulz 'til the end of humankind.

See, I slipped back into the disgusting 4chan lingo without even noticing. That's how disappointed I was with Marios last mischievous adventure.

Don't take this as an ass rape of the game, though, since in it's whole it's damn cool and shouldn't be missed for the world

Let's see me totally get something else done tomorrow and hope that I don't fall asleep while doing so.

BRAINS!
EB

Spankin' hardware and forum failz

2008-02-26T16:23:00.002+01:00

Finally, I have my QUAD-CORE (echoing wail of awesome here, please).

I've barely had time to try it out properly, though. It might seem like a "fido ate my homework" excuse by this time, but I was baby sitting my sick little sister all last week. She wasn't seriously ill, though. She just had a mischievous stomach which resulted in puking and a bad apetite. No worries.

I had a soul-eating cold right after I built the computer together, too. You know that kind where sitting up is a bit too power draining that you'd rather just lie down instead. I comforted this state by drinking beer, watching Oprah and feeling sorry for myself. All at the same time.

Speaking of "all at the same time" (you saw that coming, didn't you?) the four core processor is pretty mean so far. I've rendered a 3D picture, installed two programs and played The Sims at the same time which qualifies as fairly kickeur de le arse. Now, all that remains is for me to stop being a lazy slob and actually do something. The chance of this happening is approximitely 12,5% according to Belgian scientists.

I've been on the horn with my associate Konkel concerning the future of the forums. As of right now, they look like someone took a crap on an empty HTML-document in FrontPage 98 and let some spidermonkeys happily cock yank all over it. As you might know, I don't spend too much time on the forums. Konkel on the other hand is, and reports to me about disturbances and assholeness that spread like airborne ebola on OMGWTF?!. We have decided that we have too many admins and not enough brains. More or less every other member has some form of special status and the right to buttbang any part of the forums as hard as he/she wishes and this is not good.

Right when I get my asscream together and find a way out of my evil circle of masturbation, watching TV and doing nothing, we'll make sure the forums get a slight overhaul. The kind of overhaul that would make an overhaulist from Overhaul, TX studying overhaul at the Overhaulist Overhaul College of Overhaul go green with envy and start sucking his thumb and slowly die.

Kind of.

PS. The fact that I keep gaining subscribers on YouTube is a bit disturbing. It's not that I don't want more subscribers, it's just a little weird that people subscribe even though nothing new's out... DS.

Good news

2008-02-13T16:59:00.003+01:00

Hellowz! (WTF?!)

What's above, people? I have some most certainly happy-happy news over here. No, it's not a video to be released within the hour. You all know me well enough to lower your expectations enough, right?

So, the reason why making videos has been a really bad anal pain for me lately is my computer and the software in it. While trying to compress the Deal or No Deal video, I spent literally hours waiting for my processor to chug through the video and actually make a file, just to find out that it didn't work and/or looked like total bukkake when it was finished.

This, to say the least, discouraged me from actually giving a rats balls about making new videos, since every time I attempted it, my computer would bend over, grab me by the hair and take a huge, sticky dump in my face and making sure I got a lot in my eyes and then proceeding to rape me in my ear reducing my brain to an extra-terrestrial looking chunk of goo.

Anyway, the good news is that I will pick up a slightly over-priced quadcore (yes, you heard that right; quadcore) processor tomorrow (could be on friday, if Komplett.se fucks up). This will probably make video making a huge assload easier and more fluent. My harddrive will then be formatted once again, and a shimmering little thing of a computer will be the result. The computer will be PWN and everything it touches will be PWN.

You have no idea how painful video editing in Adobe Premi-ear-sex has been. Movie Maker actually works more often but instead makes sure everything looks like fuck-fuck and also produces a damnationed sound lag whenever a file is uploaded to PooTube.

Trying to make a video when your computer is crap can be compared to trying to paint a masterpiece with a downie chimp sitting on your head constantly poking you in the eye and urinating through it's ass down the back of your neck. It's not pleasant and will most certainly take some creativity out of the process.

Another comparison could be that when you're trying to change a tire on your crappy -89 Ford Fiesta, someone steals the wrench. And the replacement tire. And all the other tires. And the car. And then kicks in your teeth and takes a dump on your head.

So, with the smell of fail still in the air and no swell Wunderbaum of a video to try and cleanse it away, I still ask of you to have patience. Stuff'll come as soon as I can manage to get it done without having to spend double the time for half the product.

Just keep checking out Yahtzee's videos in the meantime. Freakin' whiners. ^^ <--- Innocent smiley

EB

Nothing important to say

2008-02-06T17:21:00.000+01:00

Right now, I don't really have anything important to say but I still post on the blog. That makes me the same as at least 93% of all bloggers in the world, and that makes me feel useless. Anyhoe-hoe-hoe...

Wednesday (today) and tuesday (yesterday) have been off-limits concerning "get sumthing teh fck done ffs!!!" since I've had to stay home with my sick little sister. She's had stomach aches and some unpleasant cough. Thursday is hopefully a loitering day, so maybe I'll actually get off my ass (or stay on my ass, it doesn't really matter) and get something done.

I also wanted to comment on the "u let us down u fag!!" attitude that some people tend to have after I've consequently let them down concerning release dates for videos. Wait, no. I don't really want to comment on it. I just condone your feelings, or something...

I realized I haven't updated the blog in almost a week soon, so I'll stick this here as a sign of life. I really don't want to let go of the intarwebs again. It's too comfy here.

Rape ya' later!

Woah, dude! Shitty podcast!

2008-02-01T22:49:00.000+01:00

Would'ya look at that! I just made an unreasonably long and incredibly unscripted podcast-ish thing! I somewhat explain some stuff but mostly it's just annoying and most noticably in very poor sound quality.

Download it or just listen to it in your browser (if you can...):
Listen to the crappy podcast

'Til next time!

Reporting from unknown location

2008-01-29T21:45:00.000+01:00

Forgiveth me, my children, for I have faileth thou.

It is kinda fail to announce the work on an awesome Christmas Special in the middle of December and then just not give a shit for over a month. Many fail, it is indeed.

If anyone's missed it, I'm not to be found. I have retreated to an unknown and remote location just to piss people off. Do not make any attempts to find me. I am sealed inside my personal evil lair grotto thing with lazurz, manned harpoons and man-eating mutated alligators guarding me.

I am told two private investigators have been dispatched in order to try and capture me. They will undoubtably fail so their story is probably not a good subject for an upcoming video (or maybe it is, hint hint)

I have built a computer from spare refrigerator parts and gypsy caravans in order to broadcast this message to the distressed public. All I want to say is that I'm not dead nor gone forever. I'm like Scar in The Lion King, just waiting for the right time to commence my plans to take over the position as king after killing off my family. Hopefully I will not end up being eaten alive by scrubby hyenas, although the possibility exists.

He who waits for something good, shall never wait in vain, a somewhat wise man once said.

I'm pretty sure this turns out to be true in the end.

Sincerely yours,
Ebeeto
Unknown location

Christmas Special Planning

2007-12-13T19:53:00.000+01:00

Heed me words, children of the future!

Soon, hard work on the awesome Christmas Special will commence! Now, I want YOU to help out, in a gang of different ways:

- Any christmas themed games out there I haven't heard of? Give me tips about anything: retro games, newer games, game mods, flash games. They don't even have to be particularly bad. Let me at 'em!

- Christmas is all about celebrating the glory of western world capitalism and buying toys made by starving child slaves in India while they're being raped by their higher cast foremen. Therefore, I'd love to make some classy commercial ads for stuff to be crammed into the Christmas Special, a little here and there. "Commercial" ads are not really the right thing to call it, though, since these ads will have to be for stuff that's NOT commercial. So, basically, if you have a blog, website, ventrilo channel, web browser chat room or whatever that you'd like to give some attention. E-mail me with a link to whatever you'd like to have an ad in my video about and it just might happen.
DISCLAIMER: If you send me a link to your stuff and I believe it sucks balls, I might just rip on it instead. Or just decide that there'll be no ads and that's that... Give it a shot, atleast...

- Send in, comment and just help out with anything you think would make the Christmas Special really great! I'm patiently waiting while trying to put together some stuff that'll be in it!

Drop one on me: ebeeto AT gmail dot com!

PS. If anyone has any great ideas for Advent Calendar challenges, send 'em over to konkelbaer AT gmail dot com DS.

PSS. Sorry Konkel, for not getting that said right away... DS.

Goat Competition Winners yay!

2007-12-09T01:05:00.000+01:00

At first, I was supposed to make a sweet video announcing the winners of the Do It Yourself Guide: Draw A Goat Contest, but after the result being a 6 and a half minute shitty podcast, I decided I couldn't be arsed and here I am announcing winners straight in the blog...

So... Who won? Answer: Everyone! Because of my humanist and kind-hearted soul I decided that every participant will get a prize. This is also because the contest was very inane and any other outcome would feel wrong...

So, everyone who submitted a goat, as a video response or in the forum thread, will win the awesome prize. And now, to the important part; what is the prize?

Ladies, gentlemen, in-betweens and everyone else, the prize is:

Ebeeto Media Package no. 1
Containing:
* 10 wallpapers in JPG format (ranging in size between 800x600
and 1024x768)
* 3 songs in MP3 format:
- AVGF "Original" Theme
- Snus is really great
- Walkthrough Theme Remix
* Various unedited scripts in TXT format

Isn't this an awesome little thing? You might argue that you can get these by ripping them from the YouTube videos, but... Well... No, since the resolution of images and quality of songs are just plain ASS when ripped from those low-life media versions on the intarwebz.

I will personally contact the winners and have this little thing delivered through Super Ultra Mega High Security File Transfer (SUMHSFT) (Yes, I just made that up) and they'll be listening to shitty songs in high quality and pimping their desktops in no time.

You might notice that this package is far from complete. Of course, that's because I'll be able to chuck out prizes like these in other contests containing other files.

If you happen to be a winner, there's nothing stopping you from going public with the Media Package, but why would you want to do that? Sooner or later, this stuff will be public, but why not enjoy the exclusiveness of it a little before everyone and the devil and his aunt gets their sticky hands on the goods?

I hope you all enjoy this little package and will participate in challenges to come, or why not the Advent Calendar over at the forums? I will actually reveal one of the prime prizes to come:
Air time in one of my videos!
You heard (read... Um...) it right, folks and trolls! By winning one of the most exclusive contests in the calendar, you'll get a limited amount of time in one of my videos (probably right in the middle, like a commercial or something) where you can say whatever you want, unless it's illegal or has anything to do with sea living mammals and/or senior citizens gone bad.

Apart from that there are loads of funny little prizes, and if this unmasking of a high profile prize isn't enough to get more Advent Calendar contestants, then I don't know what the F to do...

Get your bee-hind over to the OMGWTF?! Forums and participate in the christmas event of the century (it's open for any non-christian aswell, just pretend it's a Hannukah, Kwanzaa or Ramadan calendar or whatever suits your fancy, christmas isn't christian today, anyway, since it's all about the worship of fat, old men and Toys 'R' Us)

Merry Ongoing Christmas, people!

What am I up to?

2007-12-05T11:59:00.000+01:00

I noticed I haven't updated the blog in a few days. Shame on me.

Anyway, I've been doing a little bit of this, a little bit of that. Mostly that, actually. Not so much of this. Um...

So, I've started planning a christmas special. I've got some ideas and I'm sure everyone'll be pleased with the result. Christmas is here now, with the annual christmas calendar on Swedish TV (it's a little weird, but OK I guess...), christmas ads on TV, lots of christmas decorations in the commercial districts. I've started christmas present shopping since a while back.

A visit to King's River (Kungälv) last week resulted in a gang of presents bought, and Jade Empire Special Edition for about 10€ new. Awesome. They even had a christmas dinner going on in the mall there where you could try out different ham and sausage and loads of great herring (herring is King, herring is God. Especially onion herring and red herring, and mustard herring. Herring is god of kings and king of gods, and you can cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with it!)

Konkel is struggling with the Advent Calendar, trying to come up with challenges and prizes. Get your behind over there and participate!

So, next video'll probably be a christmas special that'll be awfully merry and happy. Stick around for further info.

Advent Calendar Game and "What's Up?"

2007-11-28T05:11:00.000+01:00

OMGWTF?! Forum admin and friend of mine KonkelBaer is about to start up an awesome Advent Calendar Competition thing over at the forums. Every day, a new little competition will be announced and the prizes will really be awesome. Seriously. The prizes will be great. Trust me. Make sure you don't miss out!

The Goat Drawing Competition is now officially closed. I'll put up a little video in the Ebeeto Beta channel real soon to show off prizes and announce winners. Don't miss that neither!

Concerning the next video, I've decided to make sure I get a christmas special of some kind out. I don't wanna miss out on holiday episodes like I did with Halloween (that sucks ass anyway, since only Americans really celebrate it and it's a full of shit half-assed holiday even more commercialized than christmas and... *grumble, grumble, moan moan*). The Prey video will be completed and then it's off to make a merry, merry video.

The house tidying up I mentioned in the last post has been delayed very similar to the way my videos tend to... Things like Portal, The IT Crowd and The Boondocks have gotten in the way and kind of taken my focus off stuff, but since I've now bought some sweet christmas decorations, I really MUST clean this place up and start making it all merry around here.

Well, now it's about 5:30 in the morning and I have once again wasted a good night's sleep on doing irrelevant stuff that shouldn't have been done in the first place. Oh, well. Atleast I got a new blog post up, which is nice.

Finally, just get over to the forums and prepare for christmas!

The cake is not a lie, by the way...

Clean Up The Inhumane Mess Day

2007-11-23T21:28:00.000+01:00

Click thumbnails for bigger version

Like I had hoped, people like the Deal or No Deal video. That feels great, although it bothers me that the second part has so many more views... I don't think it's because of re-views, though, since it's been like that from the start... Atleast I hope people watch the first one before the second one when they see the first message... Hmm...

Tomorrow is what I've named Clean Up The Inhumane Mess Day, and the Inhumane Mess is basically my whole place... As you can see from some of these pictures, everything looks like a piece of shit. I don't think the crack house look is good from a Feng Shui point of view, so I'll clean up this mess tomorrow. These pictures will also give you a bit of an inside look at the dark dungeon of death where I sit around and masturbate instead of making videos.

Next up concerning videos, is the Prey Quarter-Assed Theatre and a little documentary about Sweden and the Swedish language that I've started planning. It'll be great, I hope, and we'll see if it makes the real channel or if it'll be forever banished to the Ebeeto Beta channel. Which reminds me, the goat drawing competition closes soon. Make sure you draw a goat!

Happy thoughts!

Merging of The Great

2007-11-22T01:42:00.000+01:00

After some discussion, thought and violent theft of anal virginity, the Fat Mann Forumeth and OMGWTF?! Forums have merged together as one, to form the most awesome awesomeness of all.

The name remains OMGWTF?!, but now it's about 50 million times as great as before, since UrinatingTree's an admin. Let's all go collectively "Wahaay!" about this and all live together in perfect harmony (like nature did before evil companies came and battered it, but everything was OK because Widget the World Watcher made everything right)

Head over to the forums and celebrate: http://omgwtf.info.se/

It's online!

2007-11-20T17:32:00.000+01:00

It's been a long time coming but it's finally here...

Hopefully, you'll like it:
Angry Video Game Fag - Deal or No Deal (PC) - Part 1/2

Angry Video Game Fag - Deal or No Deal (PC) - Part 2/2

Constructive crticism is more than welcome (although, I'd prefer praising and worship... Um...)

In the pipelines!

2007-11-20T17:10:00.000+01:00

The Deal or No Deal review is being uploaded as we speak (or as I write, more like it...)

I hope at least most of you have been able to endure my sloth-like speed and won't hate me too much.

This thing turned out pretty darn big... We're talking almost 20 minutes... I had no idea. Let's hope this doesn't mean it's boring.

I will work a little now and then on the Prey video, starting soon but for now I'll just kick back and watch the video on YouTube a last time (I've seen it over and over way to many times...)

I'm getting a fecking Mac

2007-11-20T01:23:00.000+01:00

The video is done. So, why can't you see it? Simply because video editing is hell on earth.

Whatever I do, it fucks up. Premiere won't compress video properly, and the video converter-thiny I've got keeps crashing. When I desperately try to compress it to shitty WMV format in Movie Maker, the program decides to be the boss over what happens and fucks up all the stills, making the video unwatchable.

I'm now feeling mentally unstable. When I finally get the video done, I can't get it to work technically... It's like when you had actually done a homework and actually forgot it at home (instead of just telling the teacher you did, which was far more frequent)

If anyone has any tips and advice on what the shit I'm supposed to do, I'll be happy to take the advice.

(By advice, I don't mean asshole comments about how lazy I am making up stuff to blame for not getting the video out. It's 01:30 over here and if I just wanted to take the easy way out I'd be in bed, since I'm dead tired)

Should I apologize?

2007-11-18T18:00:00.000+01:00

Should I? Maybe... I've really been slow concerning new videos lately... It's gotten to the point where I stay as far away from my YouTube message inbox as possible in order to remain sane...

Today I've been to a new little cousin's christening and that took basically all day. Yesterday I woke up at 15:00 and was grumpy all day for letting saturday fly away like it did... I've never really been very eager to complete any video projects because of this, and I realize that kinda sucks.

Although, there's not much left to do in order to finalize the Deal or No Deal video, which I personally think is a fairly lulzy and neat little thing so far, and I'll make sure to work on it tomorrow. Seriously... Um... Please, believe me...

I know you all can accept a little delay, but it feels a bit ridiculous by now. When I get the AVGF - Deal or No Deal video done, I'll get to working on the Prey video while simultaneously releasing more retarded nonsense on Ebeeto Beta.

Oh, I just gotta thank everyone who have submitted goat pictures so far. I hope more of you decide to join the band wagon and submit something. I'll make sure to put together a neat tribute video and start giving out prizes to the goat artists when I finally get back on track. I've got some ideas for digital prize packages and handing them out will be a big honor.

Hang in there!

Just having fun!

2007-11-16T21:17:00.000+01:00

First off, don't tell me to hurry up making videos. If a video isn't done, it means I haven't got it done yet because of all sorts of reasons that you might aswell figure out on your own (hint: work, my computer being a piece of shit, lack of inspiration, anal pain, grainal gain)

Secondly, join the goat drawing competition! Fabulous prizes await*!

Ebeeto's Awesome Do It Yourself Guide - Part 1: Draw a goat

Have you got what it takes... ... ...to draw a GOAT?

*subject to change

Presenting: Ebeeto Beta

2007-11-14T20:52:00.000+01:00

It's not a get-money-fast-scheme. It's not a new pay-per-view rape porn service. It's not your mom in latex. It's simply a new YouTube Channel where I'll now put up stuff that's either a) not good enough for the official channel or b) not finished/will ever be finished or something.

It's basically a poor suburb to the Ebeeto channel, complete with families on wel-fare and minimum wage. Crappy metaphore, but nobody cares.

Ofcourse, the first thing that gets on there, is the vidgame_master89 video. So, if you wanna watch it, it's right here!

Q: How's the new video going?
A: It's fairly OK so far and I will most certainly release it tomorrow. As you all know by now, though, I can't guarantee anything. :D <--- The smiley is laughing at you for not getting to see new videos...

PS. Don't go telling people to subscribe to the new channel. It's meant to be a little something-something that only a few loyal blog readers care about. Yeah, that's you guys! DS.